Gargoyleman: Venus Flytrap

Some plants need just the right touch

Cozy Sweater Zoro!

We threw a crochet sweater on Zoro and she didn’t mind as much as we thought she would!

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This story is part of a series. Luckily, you can read the whole Sidekick series for free!

…Time for this week’s story…

Gargoyleman: Venus Flytrap

Late one overcast Tuesday afternoon in Newmoon City, a jungle spontaneously sprouted in downtown’s westside. It had been several years since such a thing had happened. People evacuated as best they could, but many were trapped by the spontaneous jungle of animated plant life that moved like predators. The most eerie were the shambling golems made of sticks, leaves, and vines that moved like people and patrolled the area.

Then, a beacon of hope appeared high in the sky. Gargoyleman’s logo shone on the clouds, beckoning the city's greatest hero to the location. The trapped people looked upon the logo with hope that he would arrive soon.

The people hid wherever they could from the plants so as not to get snatched up and dragged away. With most of the streets and buildings covered in plants, it was difficult to tell where it was safe. Sometimes, a green gas would drive people from their hiding places lest they be paralyzed in place and captured. Only children were set free, and taken to the outer boundary of the jungle with their parents. Those captured and childless were taken to the master who commanded the plants.

The villain resided inside the big, new sports arena. Every captured citizen was thrown on the ground before a vivacious Latin woman with long black hair and an hourglass figure. With plants sprouting from her skin, she was dressed only in the leaves, twigs, and vines wrapped around her body. She examined each prisoner, questioning them with a seductive voice that made them all weak in the knees. She would get nose-to-nose, batting her big hazel eyes and puckering her soft, full lips. Cradling their faces, she gave every prisoner a kiss. While still in the throes of bliss, they fell asleep. Monstrously gigantic venus flytraps leaned over and swallowed them up, cocooning them within their leaf lobes to slowly drain their energy.

After forty-five minutes, the citizens trapped in the jungle started to wonder what was taking Gargoyleman so long. With no other choice, they continued their cat and mouse game with the stunning woman, trying to make it to the jungle’s boundary. After an hour, people started to wonder if Gargoyleman was coming at all.

Even the woman, before interrogating someone, rhetorically asked him what was taking Gargoyleman so long. The man shrugged, and for a moment they both vented about the incredible delay. They speculated what could be happening outside the jungle and where he could be. She decided not to feed him to a plant and made him stay with her.

When Gargoyleman exploded into the room, she was ready to lay into him. Chased by humanoid plant monsters and animated giant venus flytraps, he fired a magnetic hook from his arm into the air. It latched onto the sports dome’s exposed infrastructure, launching him into the air. A few moments later he landed nearby and rolled onto one knee, both arms concealed beneath his cloak.

“Are you kidding me?” the woman shouted, fists balled up. “It’s been two hours! Two hours! Look, I have a witness.” She pointed to the prisoner who had been keeping her company. “I’ve learned all about his dating life and gave him a lot of much-needed advice, I know about his family, his grandma’s birthday is coming up! He’s trying to start his own business. He’s a really talented artist,”

“What’s his name?” Gargoyleman asked.

“His name? He’s uh…” she stared blankly at the man who she had been speaking with for the past hour and realized she never got his name. “Crap. What’s your name?”

“I’m Bob.”

“His name is Bob! Bob? Are you serious? Whatever. Bob, hasn’t it been a whole hour since I decided not to feed you to one of my plants?”

“Yes, and I’m still very grateful for that.”

“You’re so sweet, don’t even trip. But, you!” She turned her attention back to Gargoyleman. “What’s your problem? Two hours? You made me wait two hours!”

“I didn’t know there was an acceptable response time. Why didn’t you just go home?” Gargoyleman rose to a standing position.

“Why didn’t I? Can you believe this guy?” she shouted.

“Yeah, dude, I have to agree with the lady. That’s pretty messed up. There are innocent people here, too,” Bob said.

“Take it up with her. I didn’t create this jungle.”

“Well, that’s fair, you could have let us all go. The cops would call him here either way.”

“Hey! Don’t go taking his side.” The woman pointed angrily at Bob, who simply waved his hands and pressed his lips together.

“Come on, Venus. Give the guy a break,” Gargoyleman said.

“Give him a break? He’s here, isn’t he? And you, what took you two hours to get here? That’s ridiculous!” Venus shouted.

“I was getting ready. It took a little bit,” Gargoyleman shrugged casually.

“Oh, my God, will someone please eat him?” Venus stomped a foot and clenched her fists. The encroaching mutant jungle around them erupted into a frenzy to get Gargoyleman. Vines lashed out, giant venus flytraps charged in like dogs trying to catch a ball, and the shambling bush golems swarmed over each other to grab him. He tumbled and rolled, evading in mid-air and grappling away.

Gargoyleman dropped a black sphere as he jettisoned into the air. One of the plants inevitably hit it and liquid sprayed all over a group of them. He dropped several more on the shambling golems below. The liquid made the plants wilt and move slowly. Gargoyleman landed near Venus and held a black box in the air. Before he could light the flame, Venus was already shouting her new order.

“Stop!”

A flame lit above him, Gargoyleman stared down Venus. She took a moment to steady her breath and get her head in the game. The ground and many of her plants were now doused in alcohol. Not only were they less useful, they would easily catch fire, which would signal the beginning of the end. Gargoyleman had prepared for a violent confrontation.

“Oh, come on.” Venus accentuated her curves and batted her eyes at Gargoyleman as she approached carefully. “You wouldn’t burn my plants again, would you? After all the work I’ve done to forgive you for last time?”

“You were good about seeing your therapist,” Gargoyleman admitted.

“My therapist helped me realize why I do stuff like this.” Arm’s length away, Venus’s eyes scanned their environment.

“Really? Why’s that?”

“She helped me realize what I really want.” Venus was inches away from Gargoyleman.

“This isn’t my only lighter. I’m a tinderbox,” Gargoyleman said quietly. Venus paused to look him up and down.

“Noted.” Venus inched closer and gently grabbed his face. She pulled him close and kissed him passionately. The passion built and culminated in Venus angrily clutching Gargoyleman’s face and shoving him away. “You’re drunk! Why are you always drunk?”

“Because it nullifies your toxins. Why else?” Gargoyleman chuckled. Venus collapsed on the spot and began to cry. Gargoyleman grumbled and searched for words. “Oh, come on… don’t do that.”

“I wasn’t going to use my toxins!” she shouted.

“Well, I don’t have any guarantees about that, and you have used them on me before. By the way, Bob, you can probably get out of here now.”

“Thank you so much Mister Gargoyleman.” Bob jumped to his feet and ran away at a reasonable pace. He knew he wasn’t in danger, but also wanted to be a good distance away from Venus.

“I haven’t used my toxins on you in years!”

“Prison probably has something to do with that.”

“Is it because I’m ugly? Is that why you have to get drunk when you see me?” Venus cried.

“You? Ugly? I don’t think there’s a person in the world who would say that. You’re a beautiful woman.” Gargoyleman got down to one knee to meet Venus at her eye level. “What would compel you to think that you’re ugly?”

Venus stopped crying, but couldn’t bring herself to accept the compliment. She wiped her tears and steadied her breath. “Growing up, my cousins all called me ugly. It got worse when plants started growing out of me.”

“Well, that’s just mean. Somewhere inside, they knew that what you have is special. You can do incredible things that they can’t. I know childhood scars have some real lasting power, but don’t let that one haunt you.” Gargoyleman revealed an open bottle of whiskey and handed it to Venus.

“Oh, hell yeah.” She drank it straight from the handle and handed it back to Gargoyleman. He took a drink and they continued to trade it back and forth as they talked. He learned more about her that night than in all the years of dealing with her as a villain of the city. Refusing to throw up in the bushes, she eventually vomited on the pavement.

“You’ve been in jail a while. I think you’ll find you can’t drink like you used to.” Gargoyleman was ready with water.

“That’s a good point.” Venus took a swig of the water, swished it around in her mouth, then spit it out. She drank from it and leaned on Gargoyleman’s shoulder, eyes closed.

“It might be time for you to call it a night,” Gargoyleman said.

“Can I crash at your place?” Venus asked in a cute, sleepy tone.

“Of course.” Gargoyleman placed handcuffs around her wrists.

“Handcuffs, huh? I’m into it. Let’s go,” she said groggily.

“Calm down.” Gargoyleman threw her over his shoulder and headed for the exit.

“It’s so weird. Like, being back, it doesn’t feel the same. You know what I mean?” she asked.

“All too well,” Gargoyleman grumbled.

The plants began to drift to sleep. As the giant venus flytraps drifted off, the people slipped out of them and awoke on the ground, slightly slimy but otherwise fine. One man woke up in a puddle of vomit. There was no more beautiful woman, only a withering jungle. Gargoyleman was long gone. He had taken Venus back to his personal prison. Her old cell had already been prepared and was waiting for her.

Next Time
Sidekick: Rumble