Armadillo Kitty
Not only does Shitpancake love curling up like this, but you can snuggle up to him and he’ll just lay there and snuggle with you, if you can bring yourself to disturb this previous kitty…
…Time for this week’s story…
Watering Hole
A herd of zebras migrates through the savanna as the weather changes. Perilous dangers abound from one place to another, and the herd stays close together for protection. The only thing that remains consistent as they go from place to place is that watering holes are sacred places. At a watering hole, there are no hunters or prey, only thirsty animals. Even lions respected this unspoken rule.
One day the herd arrived at a watering hole that many of the youngsters had never visited before. The older zebras warned them all that at this watering hole, there was someone who didn’t respect it as a sacred space. The adults all talked amongst themselves about looking out for this predator. Sometimes he comes from the land, sometimes from the water. He could come from anywhere. As they approached the watering hole, his name was spoken in whispers.
They would say, “Watch out for Tyson,” or, “surely, Tyson will be lurking about.”
“What do I do if I see Tyson?” a young zebra asked.
The general advice was, “Just run away. That’s all you can do. He might chase you, but just keep running.”
When the herd arrived at the watering hole, everyone stayed close together. They yipped and bustled about. It was difficult to get to the front of the herd to drink water, and there were whispers that it could be because of Tyson. Most of the youth were terrified to encounter Tyson, but Ziggy figured the older zebra were playing tricks on the kids. Ziggy was also quite thirsty, and hedged his bets that Tyson wasn’t even real. He ventured off a bit from his herd and found a small clearing surrounded by tall grass next to the water. Covered from all sides, it was hard to imagine a safer place to stop for a drink of water.
Still, Ziggy couldn’t help but be cautious. Anything could be lurking in the water waiting for him to drink. He inched toward it, one hoof at a time, reaching his head toward the water’s edge. He glanced over his shoulders just in case and froze in place. He was so concerned about the water that he assumed the tall grass kept him safe and failed to see a lion lurking within it. Fear held Ziggy trembling in place. The lion’s eyes were locked onto him and it gracefully crept through the grass toward Ziggy.
“T-T-T-T-Tyson?” Ziggy squeaked.
“Tyson?” The lion sprung in place and spun around. “Where?” It jumped to look left, then right, then scooted backward into the clearing next to Ziggy. “I thought you said you saw Tyson?” The lion asked him.
“I… thought… you were… Tyson,” Ziggy sputtered nervously.
“Me? Oh, no way. Tyson is a jerk. This is a watering hole, it’s supposed to be a sacred space. Tyson makes life difficult for everyone,” the lion bemoaned.
“So, you’re not going to eat me?” Ziggy asked. His bones had stopped rattling and his heart no longer felt like it was beating so hard it would surely burst.
“No can do. This is a watering hole, little Zebra. You’re safe. Besides, you’re pretty scrawny. I’d rather catch someone bigger. A real meal, you know what I mean? You’re a snack, at best. No offense.”
“Was not offended. Thank you. So uh… I totally thought Tyson wasn’t real,” Ziggy confided in the affable lion.
“Oh, no. Tyson’s real. I’m playing by the rules here, but Tyson doesn’t have any rules. He’s like some kind of maniac. There’s something wrong with that guy. If you see him, just run away. He may chase you, but just keep running. Best thing you can do, trust me.”
“Is that why you’re here? Trying to find a safe place from Tyson?” Ziggy asked.
“Me? Oh, no way. I haven’t seen Ziggy yet, today. I’m trying to get away from my wives. I’ve got nine. I can never get a moment of peace, you know?” the lion confided in Ziggy.
“Yeah, I know what you mean. Our herd is the same.”
“Oh yeah, of course. Sorry if I was being insensitive or anything. Hey, my name’s Phil,” the lion introduced himself.
“Nice to meet you, Phil. I’m Ziggy. So, I can drink some water and you won’t attack me?”
“You don’t have to worry about me. Actually, I’ve worked up a thirst too. Come on, let’s grab a drink.” Phil walked up to the water’s edge and smiled back at Ziggy.
Now relaxed and feeling much safer than before, Ziggy pranced happily to the water’s edge next to Phil. Together, they leaned over and drank. Ziggy never thought he would drink water side-by-side with a lion, even at a watering hole. Furthermore, he never thought a lion could be so darn friendly.
The sharp cry of Phil screaming in pain broke the serene moment. He pulled back from the water and hanging from his face was a snapping turtle.
“Ah! What’s that!” Ziggy cried.
Phil shook his face until the turtle fell to the ground. “It’s Tyson!” Phil yelled. Face bleeding, he backed away from the tiny shelled terror.
“Ah-ha! Thought you could hide from me over here, did you? This is my lake, you filthy land-walkers!” Tyson followed Phil as he backed away, snapping at his paws. When Phil dashed away hoping Tyson would head back into the lake, Tyson instead chased Ziggy.
“Ah! What should I do?” Ziggy asked.
“Run! Just run away!” Phil hollered. Ziggy ran toward Phil, but Tyson was undeterred.
“You think you’re so cool with your legs? I can walk on land, too! Get back here so I can bite you again, you bastard!” Tyson chased them into the tall grass as they ran out of the clearing and parted ways. “Get back here, you hooligans! Dirt-loving scum!”