Lap Kitten
This is Zoro sleeping in my lap when she was a kitten. She used to love sitting in my lap, but now she’s too big to get comfortable so she sits on my desk. Zoro is so big now. I’ll have to see if I can recreate this picture some time to see the difference.
…Time for this week’s story…
Sidekick: The Genesis
How is anyone supposed to start their career these days? The job market is ludicrous. How can you come out of criminology, law enforcement programs, martial arts training and psychology courses with three years of work experience but no internship opportunities? Unpaid internships are a scam. People need to make a living.
There is so much crime, how could superheroes juggle everything on their plate without sidekicks? They fight villains, help cops clean up the scene, do tons of paperwork, then hurry to the next problem. On the back-end they still have to track down leads and follow up on open cases. That doesn’t even take into account their health and training regiments.
Heroes need sidekicks, it's a fact of the society game everyone subscribed to. Sadly for Theodore, nobody seemed to be hiring. His saving grace was that he had super powers. Unfortunately, they are the last thing to manifest during puberty. Theodore got his during college and had not yet learned how they worked or how to fully control them. Regardless, he was a week away from going hungry and two weeks away from not paying rent, so he eagerly listed this power on his resume as: Object Alteration.
Unknown to him, Object Alteration could be interpreted in a number of ways. An unclear description showed potential employers that he did not have a grasp on his power. This made him a liability, not an asset.
Finally, someone gave him a chance. It was an E-rated hero, the lowest possible rank. New heroes start at D. E-class heroes are at risk of losing their license. So, a desperate hero with a lightning bolt on his forehead hired a desperate sidekick with a power that might be useful.
“Hi, sir. Thanks for giving me a chance. Theo, nice to meet…”
“Woah! What’s wrong with you, kid? We got masks on. No names. I’m the bolt. You go by Morpho?”
“Yeah, for metamorphosis. Because I can change stuff into other stuff.”
“It sounds villainous, not helpful if you want to be a sidekick. Try somethin’ like Conversion Guy, Conversionist, Transformo… You know what, kid? Stick with Morpho for now. Let’s focus up,” The Bolt clapped.
“Yes, sir.”
“So, what do your powers do?”
“I transform stuff. Like, I can turn a brick into a marshmallow. It's easier if I'm touching it.”
“Wow! That’s a good one. That’s like a molecular somethin’. You should ask a science guy about that.”
“I started studying the periodic table.”
“That’s smart. You’re going to go places, kid. First, let’s get your feet wet. So, these guys have been knockin’ over biomed labs for the last couple months. This one’s got the best security in the city. So, when these guys come for this one, we bag ‘em, tag ‘em, get an easy win and get paid. Sound good to you?”
“How do you know they’re going to hit this place tonight?”
“Because, I set it up that way. The security guard’s going to make sure the security system is down so he’ll get a cut too. The gang thinks it’s all their idea.”
“Wait, isn’t that just as bad as being one of the criminals?”
“How so?
“By literally setting up a robbery that wouldn't otherwise be happening?”
“Kid, you want to be a hero, right?”
“I'm okay being a sidekick. I don't need all that attention, I just want to help people.”
“You don't say? Okay, look buddy, the world ain't that simple. If you want to help people, you gotta be able to show up to your job, right? Well, sometimes you've got to make sure you've got work. These criminals are going to knock places over either way. It's more like setting up a trap than a heist. Make sense?”
“Oh, I get it. So the cops are in on it?”
“Hell no. Then we wouldn't get the reward. Trust me, kid, this is how it's done. Even the big timers do this stuff. Honestly, it's all a popularity contest. Those big wigs are a bunch of jerkoffs. You ready to do this?”
“I'm ready.” Trembling and sweaty, Theo’s stomach churned following The Bolt’s advice, but he was ready to suck it up and do the hero thing… and pay rent.
They waited for over an hour. The Bolt shared advice on anxiety and battle. Eventually what helped Theo the most was his anecdotes of being a young hero, bumping elbows with some of the world's greatest heroes.
It all came to a screeching halt when an explosion blew open the biolab. They rushed in to find the thieves grabbing the goods. The leader was a villain named Slicer with the ability to cut through anything with his arm.
The battle was intense. Theo followed The Bolt’s advice and kept moving. He even took out one guy on his own. Several times he barely avoided being sliced by a wave of energy cutting through the air. The tops of vats of chemicals were sliced clean off, falling around him.
In the end, The Bolt and Slicer were in a standoff. He hollered at Theo that Slicer couldn't cut through aluminum. Theo tried to help, but kept getting in the way.
The Bolt yelled at him for being obstructive, eventually booming: “Just turn my suit into aluminum, dumbass!”
Theo did as he was asked. Pointing at The Bolt’s suit, he focused his energy on atomic number twelve. Unfortunately for Theo, aluminum is atomic number thirteen. Twelve is magnesium, which is highly flammable.
When The Bolt used his electricity powers, his suit ignited. A screaming inferno, he toppled over some railing into a vat of chemicals that also ignited. After the screaming stopped, Slicer ran up to Theo.
“Thanks kid. Let's trade info, I'll make sure you get a cut of the fence.”
Theo was in shock. He was going to be able to pay rent, but feared it might be more difficult to find work in the future.
Next Time
Sidekick 2: The Trap!