Pineapple-Kitty
I have a pineapple… I have a kitty… Pineapple-Kitty!
…Time for this week’s story…
Haunted Haunted House
It was advertised as the best haunted house they would ever experience. After being shuffled through different rooms in a temporary building, Felicia and Phillip drank water and snacked on chips in the waiting room reserved for those who are next to fill out release forms. Already, haunting sounds emanated from inside. Occasionally, there was an eerily close voice telling them they were going to die, and to run away while they could.
“How did you hear about this place?” Felicia asked excitedly.
“A salesman came into our building with flyers. I had to buy a time slot, so they’re not just shuffling people through.” Phillip grabbed a handful of cocktail wieners to snack on. “He said it was built in a real haunted house, but I think he was just hyping it up.”
“Will you hold me if I get scared?”
“Of course.” Phillip held her close. They kissed for a moment, then someone entered the room.
“Sorry for interrupting,” said an asian man with long hair. He wore a dark, tattered suit like the ghost of a rich man.
“Are we up?” Phillip asked.
“That’s right. My name is Jonathan, I’m the attendant here. If there’s any issues I’ll be right here. Please just put your phones here and they’ll be returned to you at the end.” He held out a basket and they placed their phones in it.
“I love that there’s already creepy voices playing before we even go in,” Phillip said.
“This is just a waiting area. The audio begins once you enter the haunted house,” Jonathan assured him.
“Sure, okay man,” Phillip nodded knowingly.
Perplexed, Jonathan looked to Felicia, who did not know how to react. Then he smiled and nodded, waving them in. “Enjoy.”
Entering the haunted house was the usual affair, but done to great extravagance and detail. The haunting sounds of screaming, groans and grumbles were unsettling, and ghostly footsteps ran up the stairs alongside them as they climbed, accompanied by the haunting giggles of children. Spiders on strings came down from the ceiling and startled Felicia, who clung to Phillip.
“They’re just toys,” he said. The sinister voice whispered in his ear, telling him he was the toy and he was going to die. Phillip jumped and looked around, but there was nothing hovering nearby, and Felicia didn’t hear it.
They endured some jump scares as they navigated the house. When they reached a large room, a terrifying figure with a chainsaw gawked at them from the other side of the hall. The masked man ran at them, chainsaw roaring above his head. Felicia freaked out and backed further into the room holding onto Phillip. As the man with the chainsaw reached their room, a hand reached out of the floor and grabbed his foot. He tumbled to the floor, dropping the prop chainsaw.
The door slammed shut behind him.
Felicia and Phillip checked on the chainsaw man, who asserted that he was okay and apologized for breaking character. Phillip saw the hand grab the man and they examined the area, but couldn’t find where a hand could have come from. Stranger yet, the door was locked. When they tried to go to the next room, that door was locked too.
The voice whispered in Phillip’s ear, “You’re all going to die.” Phillip nervously mentioned it to the others, but nobody else heard it.
In the smoky, dimly lit room, the lights flashed like a strobe. When they were on, the walls dripped with blood and a dead pilgrim woman without eyes ran at them. They screamed and pounded on the walls and doors, voices drowned out by the sound effects of the haunted house.
Their arms were flung into the air and a cold wind surrounded them as they fell. They landed on something soft and slimy. Screaming and crying, Felicia tried not to look too closely at the slippery meat-colored chunks. She pulled herself onto the floor of a freezing room and Phillip hurried to wrap his arms around her. The Chainsaw man crawled off the slimy meat pile nearby.
“Now you’re dead meat,” the voice whispered in Phillip’s ear.
It was then that they noticed the massive butcher on the other side of the room. Wearing a blood-covered apron and hockey mask, the shirtless butcher turned to them. Cleaver in hand, he began a slow march toward them, chains dragging behind him. Hands reached out from the meat pile they crawled off to hold them there.
Signs for an exit lit a spark of hope in Phillip. He shouted at the chainsaw man and helped Felicia to her feet. Following the signs, he led them to the exit. What they found was a staircase with bodies lining the walls and hanging from the ceiling, lights flickering above them in a bloody hallway. Phillip took off his belt and wrapped it around him and Felicia’s belt loops.
Phillip pushed through the slippery, entangled bodies, dragging Felicia crying behind him. Some of the bodies grabbed at them as they crawled. The chainsaw man urged them to hurry. Phillip pushed through dirt and felt grass. He pulled himself out, then Felicia. He reached an arm in to help the chainsaw man and the blood-covered trio fell onto the grass gasping for breath. Felicia was shivering and in tears. Phillip was holding her, but trembling just as much.
Then, spotlights shined on them from the darkness. An asian man in a web-patterned suit appeared. With a sparkling smile he pointed to them and said, “We got you!”
With their eyes adjusted, the cameras and equipment around them came into focus. The chainsaw man was enraged. Staff gave him his check and thanked him for his time. While Phillip comforted Felicia, the host handed them a slimy flesh-painted chunk of foam and explained they were a Japanese prank show. While Felicia and Phillip were both terrified, in the end they agreed it was the best haunted house they had ever experienced.