Break The Cycle
Sometimes you need help getting out of a bad situation
Derpy Cubby Kitty
The derpy sleeping positions of cats is always hilarious and adorable. Here we see Zoro, who apparently fell asleep mid-roll in a cubby with some of my clothes in it. I used to leave my clothes in places where they like to chill because they also love to snuggle up in my clothes.
…Time for this week’s story…
Break The Cycle
How did I end up here?
When you’re in an endless loop, it can be hard to remember where it all started. One moment you're tending to a bicyclist who collapsed onto the road, and the next, you're riding his bike down the street.
The cars honk at me as I pass but there's nothing I can do. It isn't my turn but I keep pedaling. I'm dripping sweat and breathing fire, but I can't stop. I have tried to tip the bike over but it won't let me. As soon as I touched this thing, I was compelled to get on. I rode away before I knew what was happening. This evil bike has me in its clutches because I was too much of a coward to just deal with my problems.
To think this could have been avoided by just going home. Instead, I avoided an argument with my wife and went to the batting cage for a couple hours. I told myself it was to clear my head, but that wasn't true. I just didn't want to go home and have that conversation. I'm so sick of hearing about it. But, if I had just dealt with it, I wouldn't be on my ninth straight hour riding this bike through the city.
Honk-honk!
Although every car honked, the electric cars were especially irksome. Gas or electric, that was the question that had divided my household for days. The family needs a new car, and that debate kept me from going home. Now, both gas and electric cars honk at me as I cut them off.
What is so great about electric cars anyway? They may save gas money but the industries that mine the materials for the batteries hurt the planet more than gas cars, not to mention the human element. To me, it looks like a big conspiracy for a few people to make a lot of money.
Honk! I always hear the cars coming. The bike makes sure they don't hit me, no matter how much I want them to.
Was this some cruel joke from the universe because I suggested riding bikes to save the environment? Imagine how fit everyone would be! I thought it was a hilariously impractical suggestion. Not so funny now.
I never want to ride another bike again. I said I would rather ride a bike around instead of getting an electric car, but I take it back. Is there a God to save me from this hell? I don't want to die riding a bike! There are so many cooler ways to die. If this stupid bike intends to kill me, can it at least do it in some cool way? Maybe it can try to jump over a ravine or something?
Who am I kidding? I'm not that lucky. This bike is going to make me ride it until I die of exhaustion. I'll keel over dead just like that guy before me, and possibly the person before him too. How far back has this gone? How many souls has this bike taken? How long has this been happening without anyone being the wiser? Are there other evil bikes out there?
The questions help. They are excellent distractions from the pain, but the mental tangents never last long. Sooner or later the bike jerks to the side or a car honks and snaps me out of it.
Honk-honk!
When that happens, I can feel the bike’s amusement. It thinks it's funny to watch me suffer. This bike really is evil. I don't believe in magic or ghosts or any of that stuff, but this bike is unmistakably possessed. From the clicking of its spokes to the creepy bell that rings itself, this bike is unnatural and dark in nature. This thing is alive, and it hates me.
Ka-clunk!
My knees go out from under me and I'm in the air. I tumble over something and crash to the ground. Something hit me, but I didn’t hear it coming. I can barely move, or even breathe, but I’m moving my own limbs again. I’m free!
I turn onto my side, peering into the bright headlights of the car that hit me. They shine on the mangled bike next to me, its front wheel spinning slower and slower. Through the creaking I can hear the bike’s death throes like slowing breaths.
The driver jumps out of his car and looks back and forth between my bike and his dashboard. After a moment he walks over cautiously.
“Are you okay?” the driver asks. Too busy gulping down air to answer, I give him a thumbs-up. He looks cautiously at the bike and walks around it to help me up. “Dude, that was so weird. Just before I hit you, on my screen it looked like a giant demon dog or something jumped in front of me.”
He saw something on his screen? In his car? I can’t believe it has taken me this long to look at the car that saved me from that cursed, evil bike. Of all the things, it was a luxury electric car. It was too quiet for the bike to hear it coming around the blind corner. The sensors must have seen the evil inside the bike.
Wait, are electric cars a conspiracy to see these evil creatures around us? What else is out there? What do the electric car makers know that they’re not telling us? I know disappearing and being hit by a car might get me the sympathy I need to get whatever car I want, but there’s no way we’re getting anything other than an electric car.
Once I have my own electric car, I’m going to chase down every damn bike I see.