Jayne and Shitpancake snuggling like they love each other or something

Magnus: Eye of the Dragon

On the other side of the great mountain range, Magnus and his Marauders explored the new terrain. According to their stolen map, the enemy held a fort on either side of the mountains. Once they found it, they circled the mountain to stay out of sight. The reports from their scouts proved more dire this time. Lesser demons guarded this fort, alongside the humans they had been tracking. Most troublesome, chained in the middle of a quad was a young blue drake.

“Finally, we’re getting close!” Magnus gleefully strode into the command tent with the report. “Demons? A drake? We’re getting close, I know it!”

“Calm yourself, Prince,” Farko said. “We seem to be closing in, which means the challenges ahead will become all the more dangerous. We’re lucky to have lost so few men so far, but demons and drakes are no trivial affair.”

“Well, they’re lesser demons. They’re weaker, and thusly, shouldn’t be a problem,” Magnus replied.

“Which means there could be a greater demon somewhere in the fort or even further ahead. Demons do not excite me.”

“But, a drake?” Magnus pointed at the report with a grin. “It looks like it’s just chained up without much space to roam. Poor thing.”

“You start feeling bad for it now, you’ll let your guard down, and it’ll bite your head off,” Eranor warned.

“But, if they have it chained up, that means it doesn’t want to be there.”

“Magnus, a drake is just a young dragon. Please, don’t try to make it your pet. It won’t want to come with us, I promise you,” Farko pleaded.

“Alright then, let’s focus on our attack. Could we try the same trick as last time?” Magnus proposed.

“Not with a demon at the front gate,” Eranor said. “They don’t appear to have a schedule, and come and go as they please. They’d sniff out that spell before our caravan got close.”

“They’d sniff out you mages, too, wouldn’t they? So we can’t sneak in, either,” Nastor added. “Prince Magnus, even you’d have to stay outside with the mages. I don’t see you going for that plan.”

“You’re right. I wouldn’t want to put you all in such a vulnerable position,” Magnus said begrudgingly.

“This might sound insane, but we could storm the front gate,” said Garley. “With that drake, there isn’t much room for their troops to gather besides outside their wall. We could use siege equipment to blow the front apart and create an even greater bottleneck.”

“I’d rather attack from the rear. We’d have the high ground, and we wouldn’t be charging headfirst into a blasted dragon.” Nastor argued.

“The dragon that is chained in place?” Garley asked.

“It’s big enough to breathe fire,” Nastor countered.

“A frontal attack would actually work to our advantage,” Garley insisted.

“We wouldn’t need to waste any energy with siege equipment if we attack from behind,” Eranor pointed out.

“No, but we would waste the energy of your mages before the battle begins. I’m sure you’d rather have that for fighting the demons,” Garley said sternly.

“That’s… a good point. Sorry, Nastor.” Eranor switched sides, to Nastor’s spirited dismay.

“We could do both.” Magnus proposed. The others stared at Magnus wide-eyed. “You’re all looking at me like I’ve said something daft.”

“Prince Magnus,” Farko began, “we don’t have the personnel to launch a two-sided attack on such a well-defended fort.”

“We could attack with a limited force from the front and cast illusion spells to make it seem as if we’re all there. The rest of our forces attack from behind once they’ve concentrated their defenses on the front.”

“Which team would you lead?” Farko pried.

“I would lead the team attacking the front. Surely, that’s where Jafret will go once he hears of the attack,” Magnus said. “Farko, you’ll be with me. Garley’s got to lead the other attack. Nastor and Eranor need to be there as well.”

After some discussion, the room agreed, and preparations began. Combining magic with craftsmanship, they constructed catapults. Then, mages shrunk them down to the size of an apple for transport. Mages and rogues teamed up to scour the canyon and mountains for boulders to shrink for ammunition.

Before they knew it a fortnight had passed, and they were on the eve of battle. Unlike previous battles, there was an undercurrent of fear. They had faced humans and cyclops, but never demons or a drake, much less both at the same time. Feeling the mood, Magnus led the Marauders in singing the song of their kingdom, and anything else he could think of to rouse their spirits. In that moment, Magnus recognized the value of a bard, which he had not thought to bring along.

They awoke well before sunrise the next morning. Soon, they parted ways to take their respective positions. Red and Blue magical birds accompanied Magnus and Eranor. When Magnus’s team was ready, he dismissed his red bird, and Eranor’s red bird disappeared. Once Eranor was ready, he dismissed his blue bird, and Magnus’s blue bird vanished.

“It’s time,” Magnus said.

“Indeed.” Farko sat up onto one knee.

“Is that illusion still going?” Magnus asked the nearest mage.

“Yes, sir.”

Magnus and Farko stepped out from behind some rocks into the wide stretch of road leading to the fort. They laid down the catapults with boulders and stepped back.

“Alright, men, into positions. Get ready to switch the illusion,” Magnus ordered. Two royal guards, two clerics, and four mages joined them at a safe distance away from the catapults. “Enlarge.” On Magnus’s order, the mages returned the catapults to their original sizes. “Fire and switch!”

The catapults sent boulders hurling through the air as the mages switched their illusion from invisibility to the full force of the Marauders in formation and ready for a fight. The guards looking out over the rocky, empty terrain were bewildered to see an army appear within striking distance.

Boulders exploded against the ramparts, splintering one of their towers. Magnus’s team fired repeatedly, shattering the fort’s front entrance. Within the fort, bells rung and horns blew. Magnus looked through his spyglass until he found his mark. Indeed, Jafret was there, pointing accusingly at Magnus and his illusory army. After exhausting their boulders, Magnus’s team shrank the catapults for later use and began their march toward the fort.

Humans climbed through the front gate’s rubble. Although the bottleneck for the human armies was successful, the lesser demons weren’t slowed. Eight red-skinned beasts with horns, wings, and lizard tails climbed over the sizable walls, growling and hissing, wielding spears, swords and tridents. None carried shields or armor. Their bodies were an eerie blend of gangly and hulking, looking both healthy and rotten at once.

The barrage of boulders echoed off the mountainsides. The guards cleared out from the rear of the fort. Garley’s team could feel the enemy moving far away, and when the time was right, Garley ordered the attack. Mages blasted open the rear wall, and Magnus’s Marauders flooded inside, cutting through every enemy they encountered. Knowing nothing of this, the lesser demons charged forward into Magnus’s illusion army.

“Do you think the ten of us can kill eight demons?” Farko asked Magnus as they marched headlong into the demons, who could easily crush a force triple their size.

“I’ll admit, a chill ran up my spine when I saw them, and that chill endures, but I remind myself that these bastards kidnapped my sister, and they deserve absolute, boundless retribution. So, let our spells and weapons fly with righteous might, blessed by the gods, so they may smite these abominations!” Magnus roared, his voice rising as he spoke. In motivating himself, he motivated his squad.

“Wait!” Magnus abruptly halted the advance of his team, then pointed to a mage. “Catapullt! Launch me into the fort.” On Magnus’s order, a mage set down and enlarged a catapult. Magnus then recited some incantations and cast boosting spells on himself in preparation for his plan.

“Magnus, are you mad? This is a terrible idea. Don’t get in that catapult!” Farko protested. “Stop it!”

“Launch me a little past the wall.” The mages shared Farko’s concerns, but did as Magnus asked. They adjusted the position of the catapult and flung Magnus into the sky.

Magnus squinted so he could see through the harsh wind assailing his eyes. The demons stopped to watch him sail overhead. Once he passed, they shrugged it off and continued their walk toward his team. Using his manatu to adjust his descent, Magnus found his target. He closed in on a man on the second level at the front of the open quad with the drake.

Slowing his fall at the last second, Magnus landed with a thud. The guards around him were stunned by his sudden appearance, and he cut down three of them before they could draw their weapons. The man he was after used a long lightning rod to keep Magnus at bay, but Magnus was too swift. He batted it away with his sheathe and closed the distance in the blink of an eye, running his sword through the man’s gut.

The drake watched curiously as Magnus made short work of his enemies. Magnus grabbed the lightning rod, then walked out onto a platform that extended into the quad. The drake snarled at Magnus. Then, Magnus held out the rod and dropped it in the quad. The drake snarled no more, examining the rod and Magnus. Magnus then pointed his manatu at the drake’s bindings. One by one, they unlocked and fell to the floor in a heap of clanking metal.

The drake examined his chains and free wrists. He locked eyes with Magnus and stepped closer, then eyed the guards in the quad with him. They panicked too late, and the drake thrashed about, smashing them against the walls with his tail and claws. The men flooding out the front gates began to scream and panic as well. The drake burned the archers on the ramparts, then ducked beneath the platform Magnus was on and breathed fire into the halls, roasting the fleeing army.

“Come on, Magnus. He’ll be fine with it,” Magnus said to himself, looking down at the drake. Mustering the courage, he jumped, landing at the base of its long neck. The drake backed up and turned to see Magnus smiling then pointed upward. The drake looked at Magnus incredulously, then huffed and looked to the sky. Like a cat, it readied itself and leapt into the air, massive wings creating a hurricane beneath it.

Before the drake could get far, Magnus aimed his manatu and shot some fireballs at the demons. When the drake realized the demons were there, it snarled, then dove. Magnus hung on for dear life.

The fireballs smashed against the demons just before the drake landed on one, digging its claws into its body. The drake breathed fire on another, then soared back into the sky clutching a demon. It circled and thrust the demon at its comrades. The demon smashed into the ground, its body exploding. The drake breathed fire on the demons as it passed, then stopped to hover in place.

When the dragon hovered, Magnus jumped off, relieved to be back on the ground. The demons were flanking the dragon, so Magnus drew his sword. Farko and the rest of the team joined the battle, and they fought the demons alongside the drake, who seemed bitter about his time in captivity.

The illusion had vanished, but enemy forces still fled in panic. The Marauders attacking from the rear had an even easier time than they anticipated, and found the front of the fort in chaos and rubble.

Magnus claimed this method of attack was much more fun than infiltration. He named the drake, Wrathburn, and offered it to join them on their adventure. The drake, unsurprisingly, did not seem interested and licked his face, then flew away.

We have a heated kitty blanket, but instead, Lando sits on the router

Gargoyleman: Carousel of Pain

After fighting Muscle Mountain and Fearmonger, Gargoyleman floated over Newmoon City’s watery sewers and awoke in the comfort of their darkness. He turned on his night vision and found his way to a ladder that led to an alley above. His suit was in tatters, his body broken. The simple task of scaling a ladder was like climbing a mountain. His body screamed at him to stop, but he endured until he reached the top. Thankfully, the tech on his suit made it easy to move the heavy manhole cover, removing at least one painful and nearly impossible task from his plate. His body spilled out of the hole in a heap, and he lay on the ground looking up at the stars. Even breathing was strenuous and painful.

He could have called Anestasia for help, and he might not be in so much pain. But he was still alive, so her help was not needed. The longer he could keep his distance from her publicly, the safer she would be. So much pain! His body hadn’t hurt so much in years. His suit had either burned through its reserves of painkillers or the mechanism was broken. Worst of all, he was vulnerable. If Paragon-Man were to show up, even with the cosmonium Gargoyleman had on him, he may not be able to access it. Even the rat scavenging for food nearby would be too much for him to swat away.

The options for getting home were few. Walking was out of the question. His next best option was to call his personal flight drone. The only problem was that he had already clicked the button several times, but his suit did not confirm that a signal was sent, and his vehicle was on the way. He lay there for a while, hoping it would come, but there was nothing. In the days of the Justice Guild, someone would swing by to check on him, but nobody was coming. His old friends were enemies now, and Gargoyleman was alone.

Help! That was all he wanted to say. It was all he needed to say, and Anestasia would appear before him, then teleport him away. Then, she would heal all his wounds, probably dressed as a nurse, too. Still, Paragon-Man might hear him. They might both die. He wished he could summon help, but there was nothing he could do. Still, lying there would accomplish nothing. Regardless, there was nothing more he could do at the moment. He was helpless, just like the night his family died.

It replayed in his mind, torturing him anew. It was a rainy day in Newmoon City. He held his mother’s hand as they crossed the street to meet his father, who was waving at them beneath the protection of his umbrella. Jason had been begging to see the Gargoyle Ninja Squad movie, and they were finally going to see it. Then, a giant black Newfoundland fell from the sky and crushed his father. They both died instantly.

A young Jason Maverick ran across the street, screaming for his father. His mother froze in shock, umbrella falling limply next to her, a hand over her mouth. Dogs and cats fell all around them from the sky instead of water. Cars came to a screeching halt, and pedestrians took cover. When young Jason turned around, he witnessed his mother being crushed by a bullmastiff. Jason hid beneath a supply truck and narrowly avoided being struck by a poodle. Metal thuds, screams, and yelps rained down around him, and an ocean of blood closed in from all sides.

Pain. Helplessness. Sorrow. Loneliness. Anger. They cycled through his mind like an endless merry-go-round. The operator turned it on and clocked out, leaving Gargoyleman on this spinning wheel of emotional torture.

“Sacrebleu, could you please keep it down? You’re giving me a headache.” A familiar voice said from nearby. But, who? Who was that? Was he real? Why was he French? Gargoyleman wondered if he was hallucinating again. “Oh my, you’re in bad shape. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you looking this bad before.”

“A flesh wound,” Gargoyleman sputtered. Laughter erupted from the voice, then a body stood over him and came into focus. It was the face of a friend. “Le Fiels?”

“Yes, it’s me. I know we’re not on the same side anymore, but… You really need help, don’t you?”

Gargoyleman nodded weakly.

“Okay, first things first. Something is clouding your mind.” Le Fiels knelt down and placed his hand on Gargoyleman’s forehead. The cloud of paranoia that had enveloped Gargoyleman swirled in his mind, then was lifted away. His mind was as clear as the night air. It was like he could see in high resolution again, and everything was the right size. Gargoyleman suddenly felt lightheaded, but managed to stay conscious. “What was that? Fearmonger?”

“Yeah. Fought him and Muscle Mountain earlier.”

“Hah! No wonder you look like crap. Since when do those guys work together?” Le Fiels asked.

“Since they started working with Cackling Clown to create chaos in the city.”

“Wow. You’ve really got a lot on your plate. Okay, let’s get you patched up.” Le Fiels pulled a toy wand from his pocket that looked like a stick wrapped around a gem at the top. Gargoyleman recognized it as a magic healing wand from the Gargoyle Ninja Squad cartoon.

“Are you serious?”

“It really works, watch.” Le Fiels held the wand over Gargoyleman’s injuries, and the gem glowed. Gargoyleman’s bones righted themselves and healed. His skin closed, and bleeding stopped. Soon, he took a deep breath again.

“Whoa, is that who I think it is?” Another voice said nearby.

“It’s okay, Bullet. He’s okay,” Le Fiels said.

“Brah, are you healing him?” Bullet asked.

“Hey, I said he’s okay. Okay?”

“You got it. Here, I brought you snacks from the snack table inside.”

“Meat, cheese, and jam? Even my favorite chocolates. C’est incroyable. Thank you, my friend.” Le Fiels took the meat and cheese plate with a smile. Then, he sat down next to Gargoyleman and set the plate on his stomach, snacking on meat, cheese, and jam with his free hand while healing him. “I hope you don’t mind if I use you as a table. This alleyway is filthy.”

“I don’t care,” Gargoyleman said.

“Bullet, do a perimeter check. I sense someone with bad intentions around here.”

“You got it.” Bullet dashed away with a whoosh.

“What are you doing here?” Gargoyleman asked.

“I’m negotiating a truce between Pelican and Crossface.”

“I heard their gangs have been at odds. Thanks for the help.”

“Yeah, It’s my pleasure.” Le Fiels healed Gargoyleman, but a silence lingered between them until he spoke again. “So, I can feel you thinking about someone,” Le Fiels said. “Would it be fair to say…”

“Don’t say another word,” Gargoyleman interrupted Le Fiels. “Don’t say the person’s name. Actually, be careful what you say. He might hear.”

“Oh? Interesting. I was surprised to see the tower taken away from the guild. Now, I feel like, perhaps I was too hasty to assume we aren’t on the same side,” Le Fiels said.

“I’m not a criminal. We’re not on the same side.”

“Yet, you’re letting me heal you.”

“What choice do I have?” Gargoyleman said begrudgingly.

“You have a choice. Unlike most of the guild, you have true character. That’s why I always liked you, even when I left.”

“I remember,” Gargoyleman grumbled. “I always felt like I could trust you. When you turned to crime, I felt… betrayed.”

“Well, once you learn how things really work, you can’t really stick around, can you?” Le Fiels tapped the wand on Gargoyleman’s head.

“I suppose not.”

“So, you know the truth, do you?” Le Fiels moved on from mending broken ribs to Gargoyleman’s arms.

Gargoyleman said nothing. He simply grimaced and grumbled, turning his head away.

“Okay, let’s talk about something else. I saw a flash of… a childhood memory. A painful one. Do you want to talk about it?”

“What’s to talk about? A criminal named Literal Lee killed my parents simply by saying it was raining cats and dogs. Because a criminal was irresponsibly using his powers for self-gain, a lot of people died.”

“Self-gain can take many forms, my friend. Like, setting up criminals to get the reward money. That’s quite crooked as well.”

“I don’t do that,” Gargoyleman said quickly.

“I didn’t think you did. That’s why I’m helping you now.”

Gargoyleman turned back toward Le Fiels, and they shared a look, an understanding. Heroes like them were few and far between. They had both learned the truth and chosen different paths from that point forward, but they were on the same journey.

Bullet zoomed back into their company. “Checked everywhere I could think to look. Didn’t find anyone.”

“Thanks for checking.” Having run the wand over Gargoyleman’s whole body, Le Fiels grabbed his plate and stood up.

Gargoyleman sat up, moving his arms and fingers, looking at himself in shock. He was in perfect shape. Not a scratch remained. Although, the same could not be said about his suit. He stood up and shook Le Fiels’s hand. “Thank you.”

“It was my pleasure. Here, maybe this will come in handy.” Le Fiels handed Gargoyleman the toy wand. “I can just get another one.”

“I’m sure I’ll find a use for it.”

The conversation was halted by a barrage of gunfire nearby. Without a doubt, from the warehouse where they were holding their meeting.

“Go! I’ll be right behind you,” Le Fiels ordered, and Bullet zoomed away without question.

“Maybe I’ll see you again, old friend,” Le Fiels tipped his hat to Gargoyleman, who returned the gesture with a nod.

Le Fiels ran down the alley toward the gunfire. Gargoyleman checked his gravity belt, which was thankfully still in good enough shape to get him up the side of a building. He hurried to the roof and followed Le Fiels. There, he waited to make sure everything was okay. The gunfire stopped, there was a scuffle inside, then Deathbolt ran outside. He manifested a drone and grabbed on tight as it rose into the sky.

Listening into the conversation inside, Gargoyleman received confirmation that Le Fiels was okay and got himself caught up on the latest news on the street. Most importantly, based on the situation, he had a better idea of where Cackling Clown was hiding. The bad news was that Deathbolt appeared to be working with him as well. Deathbolt would be difficult to deal with.

Cackling Clown typically didn’t operate so collaboratively. Paragon-Man was surely responsible for the strange behavior. The timing was too convenient. Thankfully, Cackling Clown seemed to be making as many enemies as friends. On the note of friends, Gargoyleman was pleased to have mended bridges with one that evening. He reveled in his new healing wand before tucking it safely away for the ride home.

Because the journey was long and it didn’t hurt to try, Gargoyleman called for his drone again, even though it had already failed him so many times that night. This time, he got a response. The small one-passenger flying craft arrived a few minutes later. Apparently, he had hallucinated his previous attempts.

Zoro and Sanji napping in almost exactly the same pose

Free Candy!

“The police say this was the city’s first successful bank robbery in over a decade. However, it didn’t take long for police to track down a suspect perfectly matching eye-witness descriptions. The suspect’s name is Phillip Candy, a local with no previous criminal history. Thankfully, only minor injuries were sustained from the incident. Unfortunately, the stolen money has not been recovered. Police are looking for a drop spot where the thief could have hidden it and welcome any assistance from the public.”

The biggest news of the day covered every screen and local news show. A daring bank robbery had gone right, but only for an hour or so before police caught up with their suspect. Once behind bars, he was allowed a phone call. Without a lawyer, Phillip thought frantically about who to call. His mother would be useless, his siblings lived in other states, and his girlfriend had broken up with him a few weeks prior. Afraid for his future, Phillip hugged the sweater a kind stranger had given him the week prior for looking so down in the dumps. In desperation, he dialed the only number he could remember.

“Hello?”

“John! John, it’s me, Phillip. You’ve got to help me, man. They think I robbed a bank!”

“Phillip?” John sat up on his couch. “Dude, you’re on the news. What happened?”

“I guess I matched the description of the bank robber. Dude, you’ve got to help me! I don’t know what to do.”

“Did you actually fit the description, or did they grab you because you’re black?”

“That’s what I thought at first, but then they showed me the tape. He looks just like me! We have the same haircut and were even wearing the same sweater! It looks like I did it.”

“Wow, that’s wild.” John watched the video playing on the news. Indeed, it looked like Phillip.

“You’ve got to help me, man! What about your lawyer friends?” Phillip asked desperately.

“Bro, just because I’m white doesn’t mean I know any lawyers.”

“Isn’t Dave a lawyer?”

“Oh yeah, I forgot about Dave. But, he works in family court.”

“Can you at least try?” Phillip pleaded.

“Okay, I’ll give it a shot. Don’t worry, man, I’ll get you out of there.”

John called Dave, who couldn’t help but offered advice. He told John to raise awareness and get character witnesses. He also needed to establish a timeline of Phillip’s whereabouts. John had his mission, and he carried it out with diligence.

The coffee shop where Phillip had been hanging out during the robbery said the cameras outside were to scare people away, but didn’t actually function. Phillip’s ex-girlfriend didn’t even answer John’s calls. John talked to several friends and compiled a video of their character testimonies. He followed a news van so he could barge in on an unrelated report to tell the world Phillip was innocent. He tried showing them the video, but they chased him away like a crazy person.

Wanting to blast the video to the world, John made a social media account under the name Free Candy. He posted the video and figured out how to promote the post. It got a few hits, but was mostly a dud. The second attempt included heartwarming music, but still, nothing. To get people to listen, he bought candy and printed out information to staple to it. Passing them out as he walked down the street, John finally felt like he was getting somewhere. People actually stopped to talk. His social media account got more followers, and the video began to spread. The guy at the printer joined the cause and offered to make a free vinyl decal. John plastered the colorful ‘Free Candy!’ decal on the side of his van.

In jail, Phillip’s court-appointed lawyer was pushing for him to accept a plea deal and only serve eight years in prison. Phillip had heard nothing from John, but wouldn’t cave. He insisted he was innocent. The police said they had him red-handed, and there was no way he was getting out of it. Phillip had never been very religious, but he began to pray every day and every night.

After two weeks of trying to bring attention to Phillip’s innocence, John took a break for lunch. He parked at a park around the corner from a food truck. Some kids ran up to his van and asked if they could have some candy.

“Oh, sure.” John ripped off the papers stapled to the fun-sized candies and handed them to the kids.

“Thanks, mister!” The children ran off.

“Yeah, no problem.” John waved and walked down the street. He returned to his van and ate in his vehicle before getting back to the grind.

“Freeze! Don’t move!”

A police officer appeared next to his window. John threw his hands in the air. He was surrounded by police officers pointing their guns at him.

“What? Me?”

“Get out of the vehicle! You’re under arrest, pervert!” barked a balding officer.

“What are you talking about?” John tried asking questions, but his door was opened for him, and he was wrestled to the ground and told to shut up. Local news reported on the event. One station interviewed the food truck where John had gotten lunch.

“The guy giving out free candy? That guy was trying to bring attention to his friend being innocent. See, look.” The paunchy Latin man showed them the paper handout, which had been stapled to the candy John gave him earlier that day.

The story exploded, and people wanted answers. John was released that night, and Phillip was released a few days later. Once the story got so much attention, the police looked into Phillip’s claims. They realized the man who had previously given him the sweater also matched the description and tracked him down quickly. In fact, security cameras placed him near Phillip numerous times. Phillip had been his scapegoat.

Finally, justice was served, and Phillip Candy was free.

Kitten Zoro hugging my hand as I work…

Sidekick: Le Negotiator

As Morpho’s gang expanded, their reputation preceded them. This was the new gang that took down the Justice Guild. They were powerful, and nobody knew what to expect from them. Additionally, their second-in-command, Le Fiels, was respected throughout the criminal world. The former hero had long served as a negotiator and a litmus test for new people. This not only gave Morpho added credibility but also made Le Fiels more accessible. Having Le Fiels around generally put the criminal underworld at ease. One city that welcomed Le Fiels and his new gang was Newmoon City, where two prominent gangs had started butting heads, and it was on the verge of erupting into an all-out war.

Le Fiels stood at the back of a large warehouse near Newmoon City’s downtown area with Bullet and Jack. If he needed muscle, he had an energy vampire and one of the fastest men in the world at his side. Le Fiels knocked on a steel door. They could be seen through the cameras hiding in the shadows, so nobody needed to confirm his arrival. The door opened for them, and a muscular man in a suit welcomed them in. Valuing presence, Le Fiels replied with a nod, then walked straight to the head of the table, standing behind his seat smoking a cigarette.

Two groups of men huddled around either side of a long table. Their chatter ceased, and they found their seats. Once everyone had quietly arranged themselves, Le Fiels took a long drag of his cigarette and examined everyone in attendance. To his right was Pelican, an old-school mobster who was well-connected and knew the law as well as the streets. His legal businesses were as prosperous as his illegal ones.

To the left was Crossface, who was in fact two different people. Half of Crossface was a gay former lawyer, and the other half was a battle-hardened mobster. Another villain once merged the best and worst parts of them into two different people who each looked like they were split down the middle, with half their body looking like one or the other. When the decent version of them died, only Crossface remained. The two personalities constantly battled for control, yet had somehow learned to cohabitate. People from all over the eastern seaboard sought out Crossface as a broker.

“Gentlemen. I’ve worked with both of you before, so I expect everyone to be civil. I would like to hear what’s going on from each of your perspectives. No interrupting,” Le Fiels began the meeting. Pointing at Pelican, he said, “You called me, so you first.”

“Right you are. First of all, I’d like to thank our host for providing these… accommodations. In the event of another meeting like this, I would like to offer one of my casinos as our meeting place,” Pelican said.

“Get bent, fatty,” Crossface said with a stern demeanor, staring down Pelican. Then, his voice and energy turned flashy and flamboyant. “Yeah, it’s called discretion. Not that you would know with the atrociously gaudy decorations in your casinos.” Then, Crossface sounded Italian again. “Heh, good one. Yeah, atrocious.”

“I said no interruptions,” Le Fiels said calmly. Crossface sat back and motioned for Pelican to continue.

“Thank you, Le Fiels. I understand things are a bit tense between us right now, but we’ve never had this much trouble before. I recognize that people need you as much as they need me. I provide class, luxury, gaming, and a good time to those who can pay. You make sure dirty work gets done, and even I would seek you out if I had a big-ticket item to fence. So, I don’t see why we can’t come to a resolution here.”

“I understand. Explain what happened, as you see it.” Le Fiels motioned with his hand for Pelican to continue on and stop wasting his time. Although Le Fiels could see clearly that Pelican was genuinely not trying to antagonize Crossface, and wanted peace. This had been more of a headache for him than anything.

Pelican explained how the two gangs had clearly defined territories. While Crossface usually had very good discretion, his gang started doing business too close to his places of work, which started the confrontations between their gangs. He needed to maintain a level of class and civility around his legitimate businesses, and Crossface’s gang was ruining that.

Crossface rolled his eyes and fired back with accusations of his own. Before Crossface’s men started moving in on Pelican’s territory, Pelican’s gang had been doing their dirty business in Crossface’s territory, creating messes they had to clean up or be forced to deal with the police. Things escalated until corpses were found near the edge of their territory with Pelican. Crossface prevented retaliation and reached out to Pelican. Pelican met him with denial, and soon, more dead bodies. Soon, Crossface retaliated, and they found themselves now at the brink of war. Crossface was honest as well. He was genuinely upset about how things had gone, and had ordered his gang to be diplomatic and honor their agreements. They argued a little bit about the timeline until Le Fiels told them to quiet down.

“Okay. I’m going to tell you what I’m sensing. First, I know both of you are going to be surprised by this, but both of you told the truth. Neither of you wants this to keep escalating, and you both genuinely want to resolve things here, tonight,” Le Fiels said. The two mobsters looked at each other in surprise, then smiled and turned back to Le Fiels. “The second part, I’m having trouble figuring out, because someone here has ill intent. Someone wants the tensions to grow. Are you both sure your men here can be trusted?”

Pelican and Crossface looked to their men skeptically, then nodded and confirmed their choices. They praised how long some of them had been with them, as well as their loyalty. Both claimed their men would never act the way they were portrayed by the other. This soon devolved into more bickering and denial. They spent the next two hours arguing until Le Fiels slammed his hand down on the table and brought the fruitless discussion to a halt.

“Okay, that’s enough! Someone is giving me a massive headache. I need a break. Let’s come back in half an hour.”

The group dispersed, with Crossface offering a bounty of snacks, including meats, cheeses, jams, crackers, and chocolates as well. Bullet fixed Le Fiels a plate and took it outside to where he had retreated to get away from all the ruckus. Some of the bodyguards stood outside the building for a smoke.

After a little over twenty minutes, all hell broke loose.

Some of Pelican’s men came into the building on one side, some of Crossface’s men entered the building from the other side, and both groups opened fire. Everyone took cover, flipping the table onto its side and shuffling behind boxes. Pelican’s gang fired back at Crossface’s men, and Crossface’s gang fired back at Pelican’s.

From one of the entrances burst a man in black with red accents on his armored suit. His glowing red eyes were known to many. He was a villain named Deathbolt, who had the power to spawn any weapon he needed into his hands and control their properties, as well as a ridiculous healing factor. An excellent tactician, he exploded onto the scene with a flying kick. He spawned swords and pistols, slicing through Pelican and Crossface’s men as they unloaded their clips and shuffled their bosses behind them.

A wind swept through the battlefield as they fired, and Deathbolt went flying. The men who entered the room firing, collapsed, their guns vanished. Deathbolt was swiftly back on his feet. In his hand, he spawned a small sphere, then tossed it into the room. It exploded into a flash of light, hurting nobody except Bullet, who went flying into a pile of boxes. The explosion brought a stop to the gunfire, as the gangs let the people with powers sort it out.

Bullet went to stand up in a daze, but Deathbolt was already on top of him with a sword, ready to drive it through his throat. Before he could, Jack jumped on his back and bit into his neck. Deathbolt’s weapons evaporated for a moment as his power was drained. Then, he manifested a flashlight and pointed it behind him at Jack. When he turned on the flashlight, Jack hissed and recoiled, backing away from the beam of sunlight as quickly as he could.

On his feet, Bullet rushed to pull Deathbolt away. He ran him to the far wall and slammed him into it. Deathbolt spawned a short sword to stab Bullet, but a hand rested on his head, and he relaxed, then passed out, falling limp in Bullet’s arms.

“This guy heals fast. We need to hurry.” Le Fiels rushed to grab an infinite bag from his pocket and toss it over Deathbolt’s head. But, Deathbolt regained consciousness too quickly. He manifested a pulse grenade and let it fall from his limp hand. The explosion sent Bullet and Le Fiels flying back, and a concussive blast through the rest of the room, knocking the others to the floor. Deathbolt stumbled outside, trembling onto the pavement. He manifested a drone with handlebars and flew away before Bullet could get back on his feet and grab him.

Pelican and Crossface’s men came out of hiding, pistols still drawn. They were surrounded by dead bodies. A few survivors called for help while the uninjured tended to their wounds. They rushed off to get first aid kits, cutting their clothes, and stopping the bleeding. Crossface and Pelican looked around the room in dismay.

“What did he hit me with?” Bullet asked, still wobbling and shaking his head.

“Light grenade. Gets speedsters every time,” Le Fiels said.

“What the hell just happened?” Crossface asked. “Was that Deathbolt?”

“That was Deathbolt, alright.” Le Fiels lit up another cigarette.

“Did you actually knock him out?” Pelican asked.

“Barely. A consequence of having your mind cleansed. Although, I think he was willing.” Le Fiels found the guys who had walked in shooting. One by one, he touched their foreheads. “Yes, it’s all of them. This is Fearmonger’s doing. Their minds were clouded with fear, and they were seeing illusions. Your men who have been causing problems have probably been experiencing the same thing. Fearmonger has been pulling your strings to get you two to fight. Having you both here at the same time was a great opportunity to wipe you off the board.”

“Why would Fearmonger be messing with us?” Crossface followed up. “Much less working with Deathbolt.”

“Fearmonger has been working with Cackling Clown to wreak havoc in this city. You two represent pillars of stability in the criminal world, at least around here.”

“How do you know Fearmonger’s been working with Cackling Clown?” Pelican asked.

“I have my ways. I think Cackling Clown and Fearmonger are your real problem. If you two can work together and look past a few things, I think you’ll be alright.”

“I think, given what we’ve learned here tonight, we can figure things out.” Pelican waddled his round body over to Crossface and reached an arm toward him. Crossface put away his pistol and grabbed his hand firmly.

“Damn right we can. We’re going to teach that ugly clown a thing or two.”

“Ah, there we go. See? A common enemy can solve any problem,” Le Fiels said. “You both know how to pay me. I expect it by Friday.”

“Won’t be a problem, Le Fiels. Thank you for your service,” Pelican removed his bowler hat and gave Le Fiels a bow.

Le Fiels, Bullet, and Jack departed through a mirror, leaving Pelican and Crossface to enjoy their newfound peace and clean up the mess from the battle. Their feud was over, but their war with Cackling Clown had begun.

Shitpancake is doing his best to engage Jayne, but Jayne isn’t having it

Space Case: Lurking Shadows

“Marco, I love seeing you, and I’m glad this gig worked out, but I thought you were leaving when this was done. Why the hell did your hotel charge me for another night?” Booker stood by the table where Marco awaited with a large plate of wings and beer. Marco was already halfway through his beer.

“I love that you always speak your mind and shoot straight, Book. The wings just got here. Sit down, man. Have a beer, relax.” Marco gestured to the beer. Booker stopped to breathe, leaving them inundated with the sounds of video game explosions, dings, trills, and teenagers arguing and celebrating.

“I would have been here sooner if you didn’t make me go home and change into my civs first.” Booker sat and took a drink. “Why are we here, anyway? Since when do you go to gaming halls like this?”

“Since a couple of days ago. I did a favor for someone. Did you know this building blocks external signals? It’s supposed to prevent cheating. Really, though, it makes it easier to avoid being tracked or monitored remotely. Pretty handy, actually.”

“Yeah, that’s probably why some of the people here look so shady. I’ve heard stuff about this place, never been here, though. Why’d you insist I change?” Booker asked.

“Your uniform records everything. If any higher-ups in your department are dirty, we’d be in trouble when those recordings get back to them,” Marco took a sip of his beer, watching Booker’s reaction. Booker looked back at Marco, puzzled, then pondered his words and leaned in closer.

“What are you talking about, Marco?”

“Did someone in your department die recently?”

“Yeah. A guy named Furgeson. Didn’t really know him.”

“That bounty. I thought he was alone. After I removed him from the equation, I heard a thumping sound. There was a woman tied up in the closet. I told her I was going to get her to the police. First thing she said when I pulled off her gag was, ‘No police.’ So, I left her out of my report and found somewhere to hide her. Turns out, Furgeson was working with her to gather evidence of corruption.”

A long pause followed. Marco ate a chicken wing and had a drink of his beer while Booker processed the information. Once he finally accepted it, Booker rested his face in his hands and said, “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“So, since this is your fault, I’m still using your card to pay for my hotel room, and you’re going to help me straighten all this out.”

“What? How’s this my fault?” Booker put his hands up.

“Because you said this was going to be easy. If any part of it isn’t, you’re partially responsible.”

“Damn.” Booker shook his head with no retort.

“Since we agree, I need a favor.” Marco pulled a folded piece of paper from his pocket and slid it across the table. “This is her address. Let me know if there are units watching it. If you can get me the local layout, that’d be great. Also, she mentioned that patrol cars were monitoring her apartment not long before she got snatched. If you could find out who that was, that would help.”

“I’ll get you whatever I can.” Booker slipped the paper into his pocket. Grumbling and cursing his luck, he picked apart a chicken wing.

“Man, I love real meat. It’s expensive off-planet. I tend to get the lab-grown stuff,” Marco shared.

“Artificial meat isn’t as good. I don’t know if I could live in space. Why are you out there, anyway? Weren’t you going to work for Hammer? I thought you wanted to help people and make a difference,” Booker said.

“I am helping people and making a difference.” Marco had another drink.

“Yeah, but not like being in Hammer. You used to always complain about corruption. What better place to go than Hammer? Cracking down on corruption is their whole thing.”

“That’s one way to look at it. Every hierarchical organization can become corrupt. It’s entropy, man. The universe is built on it. Hammer can work on cleaning things up in their own way, but who is there for the people? You can’t just crack down on corruption from the top down. You’ve got to do it from the bottom up, too. Also, I just couldn’t be another cog in the machine again. I spent enough time in the service.”

Considering Marco’s words, Booker nodded unconsciously, recognizing the logic and ethos of Marco’s perspective. Although unexpected, it was a logical move in line with his ethos.

“You know, these days, it feels like it’s getting harder and harder to follow your heart. But, somehow, you found a way. Respect, man.” Booker reached out to bump fists with Marco. The two ate, drank, and enjoyed the next few hours together.

The next day, Booker got Marco the information he wanted. Marco received a layout of the area and mapped out a path to Luna’s apartment. Another gift Booker sent him was the police access code to the building’s service entrance. Unfortunately, there was no record of units surveilling the apartment. It made sense that it wouldn’t be official, but it made their job harder. It was up to Marco to scout the area and ensure nobody was watching the apartment. Even if there were no police, someone else could be watching.

Marco spent a couple of hours scoping out the area to ensure it wasn’t under surveillance. He suspected a few vehicles that were parked on the street. Binoculars and walk-bys could only do so much to assuage his concerns. When he felt they were as safe as they were going to get, he carefully guided Luna through dark back alleys and into the building. With Luna wearing a large hoodie and a short skirt, they pretended to be a drunk couple so they’d be dismissed by anyone watching.

Once inside, they took the service elevator up and crept through the halls. They snuck into her apartment, quietly closing and locking the door behind them. The corners of the apartment were lined with dim automatic lights, illuminating everything with a soft, purple and blue glow. Luna started walking, but Marco stopped her. With a finger over his lips, he signaled for her to be silent, then motioned for her to wait. He gently pressed her against the wall, then drew his pistol and slinked through the apartment, checking every room.

The living room was minimalist, walls lined with paper books. Her bedroom was simple, albeit full of stuffed animals and collectibles. Her second bedroom was her office. Neat and organized, it was filled with computers and organized tools, and spare parts. Neatly placed wires connected everything. This was no surprise, as commonly, the more tech-savvy someone is, the less they use wireless signals.

Luna waited patiently until Marco returned and gave her a nod. She tiptoed to her office, pausing at the doorway. She leaned into Marco and whispered, “I keep my curtains closed.”

“Stay low,” Marco whispered back. “Can you get what you need without standing in front of the windows?”

“Yeah, but this room is going to light up.”

“Grab only what you need.”

“Okay.” Luna cringed, then got down on her hands and knees. Staying low, she reached above her to grab a tablet. She pulled a backpack from under a desk and stuffed it inside. Next, she crawled under another desk and tucked herself into the corner as best she could, then reached above her and grabbed a laptop. When she opened it up, physical screens around the room turned on. The light was still dim, but significantly brighter than it had been. If anyone was watching, they would know someone was there.

Luna typed quickly on her laptop. Examining the room and his defensive options, Marco closed the door. Behind the door were sliding glass doors to a closet. Marco opened it, pressing himself against some clothes so he could stand behind the door if it opened, keeping his eyes on the windows.

“What are you doing? What’s taking so long?” Marco asked after a minute.

“Let me work,” Luna said, typing frantically.

The front door burst open, followed by hurried footsteps running down the hall. The door flew open, and through the crack between the hinges, there was a body. Four loud gunshots ripped through the apartment, with Marco firing through the thin wooden door.

“Stay here,” Marco said in a hurried, hushed tone. He ran into the hallway and stood in the bathroom, back against the wall.

Seconds later, someone rushed through the front door. Two men passed by the bathroom, pistols drawn. They stopped just past the bathroom and fired at the open door where their comrade’s body lay, shattering the sliding glass doors. The holes in the door gave away Marco’s former position. While they fired, he stepped into the hallways behind them and fired one carefully placed shot in the back of each of their heads. Their bodies collapsed, and the thunder of gunfire stopped.

For the first time, he looked down at the attackers. If they were police, they were dressed like street thugs. Returning focus to his task, Marco kept his pistol pointed down the hall and walked backward toward the office. “Seriously, what’s taking so long? We need to get out of here,” he rushed Luna with a harsh whisper.

“I’m almost done,” she whispered back.

Marco checked the office. Luna crawled around, stuffing things into the backpack. She crawled to the closet, getting off her knees so she wouldn’t cut herself on the glass. Staying low, she reached into the closet and grabbed a backpack and a duffel bag. As she hurried around the door and into the hallway, gunfire shattered the windows. With a startled scream, she rushed into the hall. She quickly pilfered the electronics from the attackers and stuffed them into the backpack.

“Let’s go.” Marco grabbed Luna and rushed to the front door. Checking around the corner, he made sure they were clear before rushing into the hallway, guiding them back to the service elevator.

Waiting in front of the wide metal double doors, he grabbed Luna, then pulled her to the other side, pressing their backs against the wall. He kept his pistol ready, holding it inches from his face. When the elevator dinged, two men ran out of the doors, rushing around the corner and down the hall toward Luna’s apartment. Unnoticed, he pulled her into the elevator. He pressed the button and pulled her against the side of the elevator. Two more men erupted from the stairwell and ran by as the elevator doors closed. Marco and Luna remained unnoticed.

Hearts racing, they hurried away from the building. Once back to their hotel, they retrieved Marco’s stuff and he moved into her room out of an abundance of precaution. There, they finally breathed a sigh of relief.

“What the hell took so long? Did you really need to loot the bodies? This isn’t a video game!” Marco barked.

“I’m sorry it took so long, okay? I grabbed everything I had, wiped my drives, brought some tools so I could work from here, and yeah, I did need to loot the bodies. Do you want to know why, or just complain?”

“Fine.” Marco took a deep breath to calm himself. “Why did you loot the bodies?”

“I stole their stuff so that I could hack into it. This can help us gather any evidence we need and get to the bottom of who is behind all this.”

“Okay, that sounds helpful. Not admissible in court, but a start.” Marco pulled out his phone and turned it back on. “It looks like I got a message while I was scouting the area. The police want me to come into the station tomorrow.”

“For what?” Luna asked.

“I guess we’ll find out.”

A kitten picture of Sanji and Zoro sprawled out on a fuzzy blanket

The Vampirism Vaccine

“For our next story, we take you to Angela. How are you doing out there, Angela?”

It was early in the evening, and Angela stood in front of the Durmer office building where, earlier that day, they had announced a monumental breakthrough. Durmer had developed a vaccine to cure and inoculate against vampirism. While many celebrated, others approached the news more skeptically.

The Black Cauldron was an adequately lit pub where one could find magical beings that had become commonplace in the world. Once the sun fell, vampires silently crept inside like a mist. While many of the patrons had already heard the news playing on the pub’s televisions, vampires were waking up to it.

“Are you kidding me?” said a tall vampire in torn jeans and a leather punk rock jacket. “I don’t believe that for a second. These Durmer clowns can kick rocks.”

“What’s wrong, Bill? You don’t want to see the sun again? It’s nice and warm.” A finely dressed patron took a sip of his beer.

“Shut up, Clint, you glorified puppy,” Bill fired back. “Hey Tim, get me a pint.”

“Of beer?” asked the bartender.

“Yes, of beer, I don’t like to eat just after I wake up.”

“Unrefined as he may be, I’ve got to side with Bill on this one. I don’t trust this vaccine one bit.” The men turned to see a tall, dark skinned man in a fine suit wearing a long black coat with silver accents sitting at the edge of a booth by himself. He walked to the bar with a smile, his purple eyes sparkling.

“Thank you.” Bill slapped the table. “Tim, another one for Malik.”

“Are you serious, Malik? I always thought you were the most reasonable vampire around here,” Clint said.

“Exactly why I don’t trust it. We don’t know what’s in it. This could be a plot to kill vampires or change us. We all know vampires aren’t exactly the most popular creatures. People only have to worry about werewolves on a full moon. They always worry about us, even with cohabitation laws.”

The bartender set down their drinks and stayed to listen.

“I didn’t know you were a conspiracy theorist,” Clint chided.

“My friend, I may be a vampire, but I’m also a black American, and I’ve been here since revolutionary times. I remember the Tuskegee medical experiments. They tell you it’s a vaccine because you assume it’s safe and helpful. Next thing you know, the government is admitting they wanted to sterilize your people. I may not be human anymore, but I’m still black.”

“Isn’t that still happening in Africa? I was reading something about that.” Bill said.

“In South Africa, yes. That’s why they pulled out of the W-H-O. I didn’t know you read, Bill,” Malik teased.

“Piss off. You gotta read if you want to know what’s going on. You watch the news, they’ll make a chump out of you.”

“Hello, boys,” a beautiful light light-skinned, raven-haired woman in a short skirt and lace top sauntered gracefully into the circle.

“Eleanor, you look magnificent, as always,” Malik’s eyes scanned up and down her body.

“Good. I’ve got a date tonight. I’m hoping he invites me in this time. What do you guys think of this vaccine?”

“Only the big puppy thinks it’s a good idea,” Bill said.

“Hey, I didn’t say it’s a good idea. But, if it works, you guys have a chance to see the sun again,” Clint said.

“And age,” Eleanor rolled her eyes.

“I guess that’s true,” Clint said. “But, they are subject to the same laws. If it kills you, they’ve got a huge lawsuit on their hands.”

“A lawsuit? From who? We’re vampires, you idiot. We don’t exactly have beneficiaries to our estates,” Bill said.

“Indeed. I’m not going to be a guinea pig for some experiential drug,” Malik added

“Legally, they have immunity,” Eleanor chimed in. “Vampires are classified as dead, so even if there were someone to file a lawsuit for us, they would lose.”

Malik laughed, shaking his head. “Ain’t no way, man.”

“Who in the world would take an experimental drug from a company that is immune to lawsuits? That just sounds insane to me,” Bill boomed.

“Live long enough, you’ll understand the world is more insane than sane,” Malik said.

Eleanor frowned and nodded in agreement. Then, her phone buzzed and she checked her purse. “Oh, wow.”

“What?” Bill asked.

“Felix got the vaccine. Says he wanted to see the sun again.”

“So, it works?” asked Clint.

“Well, he seems to be alive. He’s on his way.”

“At least you know it won’t kill you,” Clint raised his glass. “To living again!”

“We’ll see,” Malik grumbled.

Twenty minutes later, Felix arrived. The handsome Latin man was lethargic but excited, encouraging others to feel his pulse. Indeed, his heart was pumping again. His skin was flushed with color, and he had a light sweat.

Clint bought him a beer to congratulate him. They discussed the vaccine, the process, and how he was feeling. His body was warm, and he didn’t seem to be able to cool down. He attributed it to his body generating its own heat again. Eleanor cancelled her date to stay and explore the vaccine conversation.

After an hour at the bar, Felix got a headache and lay his head down. They joked about not having to worry about headaches, but Felix didn’t respond. They shook him, but he didn’t move. Sharing concerned looks, they thought he might be unconscious. They checked his pulse to be sure, but couldn’t find it.

“Maybe we can turn him again,” Bill postulated.

“Oh hell no, I’m not biting him,” Malik put his hands up and leaned away.

The group sat at the table, staring at their dead friend. A long silence consumed the booth, with none of them knowing what exactly to say. Finally, Bill broke the silence.

“Dibs on his car.”

A trio of boys snuggled up together, some more snuggled than others, but still together!

Magnus: Mountain Pass

A door taller than ten men carved into a rocky mountainside awaited Magnus and his Marauders after their trek through the forest. Eranor deciphered the text written on the wall. The large text high up welcomed giants, bidding them to knock for entry. Smaller text closer to the ground warned: “Humans not welcome.”

“Nastor, are you sure this is where they’ve gone?” Magnus asked.

“Without a doubt. Their muddy tracks head straight for the doors, but they end here.” Nastor pointed at the ground, several meters away from the doors.

Magnus shared quizzical looks with his commanders. After their silent exchange, Magnus looked to Eranor and motioned toward the doors.

“I suppose we have no other option.” Eranor recited an incantation. A magic hand knocked on the heavy stone doors, then vanished. After a few tense moments, there was a loud thud, then a heavy creak, and the massive stone doors opened. On the other side was an armor-clad cyclops. Two more guards stood by each door. Behind him, a fourth cyclops clad in robes and jewelry stood stoically, holding a staff.

“Humans are not allowed,” the guard’s deep voice rumbled. “Be gone, or die.”

“Good day, cyclops.” Magnus smiled and waved. “I understand we are not welcome in your fine mountain. We were hoping you could help us with something?”

“Help… you?” Puzzled, the guard turned to the others behind him, who could only shrug. “Explain.”

“We’ve been tracking a small contingent of humans through the forest. Their tracks go straight toward your doors, then they vanish. Is there any way they could have passed through these doors in the last few days?” Magnus pointed to the tracks, then toward the entryway.

The skeptical guard leaned over to examine the tracks. “Thundarron.” The guard moved aside, and the mage behind him stepped forward. Without a word, he waved his staff and the tracks lit up. In disbelief, he shook his head, then pointed his staff at Magnus. A warm wind passed over Magnus, then nothing.

“He speaks truth.” Thundarron leaned forward to examine Magnus. With a grumble, he raised his eyebrow and pointed at him. “That, around your neck. Where did you get it?”

From beneath his armor, Magnus pulled the trinket he received from the forest spirits and held it up for Thundarron. “This? It was a gift. The people we’re hunting hurt the forest. We healed it, and I received this.”

Thundarron stood upright and sighed, then scratched his head. He looked to the other guards, then turned to Magnus and his Marauders. “Humans blessed by earth spirits, you may pass. Cause trouble, and die.”

“Very gracious. We thank you for your hospitality.” Magnus bowed. Thundarron waved his staff once more, and another warm wind swept through their ranks. “What was that?”

“You will not be bothered.” The guards moved aside and watched Magnus and his Marauders pass through their gates. The doors thundered shut behind them.

The underground passage opened into a vast, gargantuan stone city. Glowing plants provided illumination, making it as bright as the day outside. Many cyclops stopped to watch the humans passing through. None of them bothered Magnus’s group, but they did whisper amongst themselves, each one equally confused. Magnus and his men stuck to the walls to avoid being crushed or getting in the way. It wasn’t long before earth spirits resembling cute animals sprouted from the stone and plants around them, beckoning them to follow.

The spirits led them to a city garden and into an opening in a large rock. Smaller, more normal-sized plants sprouted there. Like a big cave, the enclosed space was perfect for a large group of humans. Teeming with earth spirits, happy nymphs welcomed them. Then, they parted, and a beautiful female nymph wrapped in light cloth and flowers approached them.

“Good evening, humans.” Her voice was heavenly. “For your past deeds, you are welcome to rest here. Outside, the moon is high, and it will take several days for you to pass through this city. We will guide you and provide you with safe places to rest.”

“Thank you,” Magnus said, bedazzled by the nymph. “We truly appreciate your assistance.”

The beautiful nymph departed, and other earth spirits showed Magnus and his men where they could rest, eat, drink, and relieve themselves. Some Marauders made requests and were guided by different earth spirits to fulfill them. They were waited on hand and foot as if they were royalty. To Magnus, it felt like home. To many of the marauders, it was an exquisite and humbling experience.

On the second night, they stayed at a similar alcove in another garden. A river ran through the cavernous space, and they arrived early in the evening, giving them more downtime. After a couple of hours there, Eranor approached Magnus and handed him a leather sack with a drawstring for its large opening.

“Thanks to this reprieve, I finally got to make these. Here. It’s an endless satchel,” Eranor said. “You can put pretty much anything in there. It’s enchanted, so you can always find it. I placed the same enchantment on the gift I left inside.”

“That’s so kind, thank you, Eranor,” Magnus said happily. “What’s inside?”

“See for yourself.”

Magnus reached into the seemingly empty bag and pulled from it a thick leather-bound book with a blue gem on the front cover. “A spellbook?”

“I’ve already put some basic spells and tools in there for you. I included the spells you’ve learned recently as well,” Eranor explained as Magnus flipped through the pages.

“Is this a spell to walk on water?” Magnus said excitedly.

“I thought it might come in handy, or you’d at least have fun with it.”

“I’m going to try this one right now! Thank you, Eranor,” Magnus gleefully hugged Eranor, then hurried away.

“Enjoy yourself, Prince Magnus.” Eranor smiled, touched by Magnus’s gratitude.

Magnus hurried to the river and followed it to a pond with space to run around. He cast the spell, then stepped carefully onto the water. Indeed, his foot did not sink. He took another step, then trotted along, finally bursting into a sprint, sliding to a stop. It was as easy to hold his grip as it was to slide, and he had control over how he interacted with the water. Once, he slid into a tree branch and fell. The fall was soft, like landing on a bed. Nearby laughter caught his attention. Not far away, sitting next to the pond with a notebook, was Nastor.

“Don’t worry, my Prince, I won’t tell a soul,” he chuckled.

“Oh, I don’t mind. What are you up to?” Magnus joined him.

“Just sketching.”

“What are you making? May I see?”

“Of course.” Nastor handed him the book. While Magnus examined the drawings, Nastor explained. “Ye’ see, I get a tattoo to mark great moments in my life. My time here with you has been my greatest adventure yet, so I’ve been drawing my next tattoo. I think the one on the bottom right there is my favorite.”

The page was covered in small sketches, a few drawn in greater detail. Nastor’s favorite was a large M, partially enclosed in a circle with a spike sprouting from the four cardinal directions. It was bold yet simple. Magnus nodded in approval.

“You’re going to tattoo this on yourself?”

“Indeed. I asked Eranor to make me some ink. You can use magic, but unless you use real ink, the tattoo will disappear if you’re struck with a cleansing spell.”

“Nastor, I’d be honored if I could get this tattoo as well.” Magnus handed back the notebook.

“My Prince, I’m the one who would be honored.”

Magnus and Nastor requested more ink. The news spread like wildfire, and soon, every Marauder agreed to get the tattoo. They called it the Mark of the Marauder. Magnus added the spells to make ink and apply tattoos to his new spellbook so he could help and personally apply the tattoos to his commanders.

The next day’s march through the mountain was a joyous one. Morale was the best it had ever been. Because of their cheerful mood, they didn’t notice when the earth spirits guiding them stopped appearing. Before they realized anything was wrong, the roar of battle was upon them. Sudden battlecries were all the warning they had to draw their weapons and defend themselves.

Thankfully, it was all the warning they needed. The Marauders were fighting back before they knew what was happening. Metal swords dinged against each other, and mages cast spells to defend the Marauder ranks from enemy casters. The enemy had the element of surprise, but the Marauders were more fearsome fighters. They cut through the ambushing humans, and soon the enemy called for assistance.

Ground rumbling, Magnus looked in the direction of the paces coming their way. A limping cyclops turned the corner and spotted Magnus. This same cyclops once stood before Magnus when he was rescuing his sister, and it was time for a rematch.

“Still alive? Well, let’s put an end to that.” Magnus charged at the cyclops, sword in hand, manatu securely strapped to his other arm.

The cyclops charged, swinging a club at the ground. Magnus held his arm high, creating a magic shield that bounced the club away. The cyclops stumbled back.

Magnus capitalized, casting some quick spells to boost his strength and agility, then leapt at the massive, armored oaf. The cyclops held his club in front of him to stop Magnus, but a fiery whip erupted from Magnus’s left arm. He slashed it ahead of him, slicing clean through the club. He kicked the severed head of the club at the ogre, landing on the top of the handle. Without missing a beat, Magnus leapt from the handle and slashed his flaming whip across the cyclops’s face.

Closing its eye to protect itself from the whip, the cyclops opened it in time to see Magnus diving at its eye, stabbing it with his sword. The cyclops cried out in pain, wailing and stumbling back. Magnus jumped off the cyclops’s face as it fell backward. Magnus landed gracefully and backed away, checking his flank. The fighting had ceased. Everyone had turned to see the defeated cyclops crying in pain.

“Halt!” Another cyclops boomed from nearby. Four cyclopian guards approached the humans from all sides, their weapons drawn. “Humans are not allowed here.” From around the corner, another cyclops approached. This one wore robes and carried a staff.

“Some of these humans carry a blessing. Thundarron,” the cyclopian mage called. A moment later, a flash of light and strong wind preceded the arrival of Thunarron.

“I said if you cause trouble, you die.” Thundarron eyed Magnus.

“The humans we’ve been hunting, some of them found us. Look, my men all carry this symbol on their bodies.” Magnus removed his leather chestplate and pulled his shirt aside to display a Mark of the Marauder on his left breast. “Those who attacked us do not. He was sneaking them in.” Magnus pointed at the cyclops still writhing in pain.

Thundarron examined the area, then cast a spell in the cyclopian tongue. Magnus’s tattoo illuminated, and then he and his men were teleported behind Thundarron.

“Those humans are trespassers. He is a traitor,” Thundarron said.

The guards wasted no time, squishing the human trespassers beneath their feet and clubs as they screamed and ran. When they finished, they pulled the traitorous cyclops to his feet. Still cradling his face, he was carried away.

“Gratitude for finding the traitor. Be on your journey.” Thundarron vanished, and the other cyclops left.

The world around them grew quiet again. After recuperating and mending injuries, Magnus and his Marauders carried on. The earth spirits returned, guiding them out of the mountain. After five days of darkness, they stepped into the light, the sun shining high above them. After a prayer to thank the earth spirits, they continued on their journey.

Has anyone else got one of these in their fresh food delivery box? I don’t remember ordering one of these, although, it would be something new…

Gargoyleman: Fear

Breaking News! Jason Maverick rejects justice! Jason Maverick defunds heroes! Jason Maverick pulls Justice Guild funding, cites incompetence. Jason Maverick pulls hero funding amidst repairs. Justice Tower no longer Justice Guild HQ. The richest man in the world doesn’t believe in justice. Jason Maverick pulls funding, are villains to blame?

The headlines were on fire the day Gargoyleman snuck into Chief Jordan’s office through his window. It was on every news channel and the topic of every conversation. Jason Maverick had made a statement that morning, informing the world he was cutting ties with the Justice Guild. The world was in shock, and reporters harassed Justice Guild members across the globe for a comment. Justice Tower was under repair, and the Justice Guild had been using their secondary base in the meantime. However, it now seemed they would not be returning to the tower. With the world’s heroes wrapped up in a media storm, it was the perfect opportunity for Gargoyleman to operate unnoticed during the daylight.

Without exchanging words, they vanished from Chief Jordan’s office moments after Gargoyleman’s arrival, consumed by a swirl of light and color. They reappeared on a stage in front of an auditorium of empty chairs and tables. Chief Jordan recognized it as the Magic Manor. With entertainment ranging from comedy to music to magic, the establishment was renowned for putting on the best shows on the Eastern seaboard.

Soundless, a woman in high heels appeared before them as if out of thin air. She was a short brunette with big, beautiful green eyes, full lips, raven-black hair, and long, firm legs wrapped in sheer fishnets. Smiling at the two men, she eyed Gargoyleman up and down before giving him a wink. Somehow, her short golden skirt and black lace corset under a petite red and gold ringmaster’s jacket did not influence Gargoyleman’s disposition. No blush or smile, he simply nodded in salutation.

Moving gracefully, she ran her finger up Gargoyleman’s stomach, then placed her hand on his chest. Without the same flirtation, she placed her hand on Chief Jordan’s chest, then gently pushed the two men, taking a step forward with their step back. The world around them shifted again, now consumed by darkness. Despite the lack of light, they could see each other perfectly.

“We can talk now. Chief, this is Anastasia, proprietor of the Magic Manor. Anna, this is Police Chief Jordan,” Gargoyleman introduced.

“Yes, hi.” Chief Jordan cleared his throat. “I’ve heard of you, but I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure.”

“Nice to meet you, Chief,” she spoke with a smooth, sultry voice.

Gargoyleman turned around and gestured ahead of him with one arm. “This is Carl. You know him as Night Flight.”

“Night Flight? Haven’t you been missing for weeks? Is this where you’ve been?” Chief Jordan hurried over to greet the unmasked hero sitting at a table with recording equipment and a chair on either side. “Police Chief Jordan.”

“I guess you can call me Carl.” He stood up to greet the Chief with a firm, respectful handshake. “Yeah, I’ve been here since the attack on Justice Tower. Gargoyleman and Anastasia have been keeping me safe.”

“Safe? From who?”

“You haven’t told him?” Carl asked Gargoyleman.

“That’s why we’re here. You’re going to tell him everything. We’re not staying in the shadows forever. Most of the villains the Justice Guild put away over the years have been released, and they’re coming for me. If I don’t make it, at least I’ve connected you three. You can carry on without me.”

“Hey, don’t go thinking you’re alone out there. If you need any help, my magic is at your disposal. You’ve got my number, call me day or night,” Anastasia said.

“Hold on, what do you mean they’ve been released? Why would the Justice Guild do that? Did you tell Jason Maverick? Is that why he cut ties? I guess that would explain why there’s been so much super crime lately.” Chief Jordan couldn’t contain his curiosity.

“It’s one of the reasons,” Gargoyleman said. “After Morpho’s gang attacked Justice Tower, the world mourned the loss of some of the world’s greatest heroes. I mourned the loss of the world I thought I lived in. Carl will fill you in. Call Anna’s name when you’re ready to go.”

Anastasia took Gargoyleman back to the Magic Manor. As soon as he returned, his police radio monitor turned back on, and Gargoyleman had his next task ahead of him. There was an active robbery happening at the Luna Bank downtown.

“Want a hand?” Anastasia offered, receiving an exasperated look from Gargoyleman. “Don’t worry, we can speak. I’ve got a little spell going.”

“I need you to stay safe. That means, you don’t help me publicly until I ask for it.”

Anastasia reached into her cleavage with two fingers and pulled out a long wand. She closed her eyes, swirled it in the air, then tapped Gargoyleman on the throat. “Call for my help any time. I’ll be there in an instant.”

“Thank you.” Gargoyleman tenderly grabbed her hand with the wand and took a breath, then gave her a weak smile. “I’ve got to go.”

“You’re starting to scare me. Please, don’t die out there.” Trying to conceal a frown, Anastasia shot him an apprehensive look, then tapped his chest with her wand. In the blink of an eye, he was standing atop the Magic Manor’s rooftop.

The bank wasn’t far, and Gargoyleman was there in less than two minutes. He burst through the bank lobby’s skylight and landed with thundering authority on the marble floor. Exiting the bank’s back office was a tall, burly man with sharp features and thin-framed glasses. Hair perfectly combed and wearing a brown suit, he carried himself with gravitas. He tossed a full trash bag off to the side and sighed at the sight of Gargoyleman.

“And here I was, thinking all the heroes might be too busy with today’s news to show up,” the man said with a Southern gentleman’s accent.

“Don’t worry, Fearmonger. I’ve got another cell for you to rot in,” Gargoyleman’s deep, gravely voice rumbled across the spacious room.

“Worry? I’m not worried. Worry is a subset of fear, and fear is my forte.” Fearmonger reached an arm out and fired a cloud of smoke at Gargoyleman. Gargoyleman dodged and rolled back onto his feet. Facing Fearmonger again, Gargoyleman was wearing a gas mask he had deftly pulled from a pouch on his belt, his movements concealed by his cape.

Gargoyleman fired a trio of ninja stars at Fearmonger from the mechanism on his arm. One after another, they stabbed into his arm and chest. Fearmonger cried out in pain and cursed Gargoyleman, who paced across the extravagant bank lobby.

“Give it up, Fearmonger. It’s over.”

“I’m a psychiatrist, not a fighter. That’s why I brought a fighter,” Fearmonger said with a sinister smile.

Alarmed, Gargoyleman stopped and checked his surroundings for someone sneaking up on him, but there was nobody there. Smoke emanated from beneath Fearmonger’s suit and curled around behind him into the hall from which he had emerged.

Ground rumbling, walls shaking, a heartbeat before everything got out of control, Gargoyleman knew what was coming. As if a truck burst through the rear wall leading into the vault, the wall exploded. Standing in the dusty aftermath was an eight-foot-tall behemoth made of tight, bulging muscles. Wearing a steel knight’s helmet and spandex sports attire, the giant dusted himself off and lumbered toward Gargoyleman.

“Muscle Mountain, take care of this nuisance for me, will you?” Fearmonger pulled the ninja stars out of his body.

The giant muscle man charged at Gargoyleman like a runaway train. Gargoyleman narrowly avoided being bashed into oblivion and fired ninja stars from his arm compartment. They stabbed into Muscle Mountain’s calves, but missed his Achilles tendon. Gargoyleman quickly pulled a metal tube from his belt, but a gunshot rang out and sent it flying out of his hand. From the sidelines, Fearmonger was making things difficult.

Muscle Mountain thrashed wildly, trying to smash Gargoyleman like a bug. Using his cape for deception like a bullfighter, Gargoyleman’s zero-g belt gave him the mobility he needed to stay ahead of the damage, but Muscle Mountain was relentless. Like an angry zombie, he roared and grunted, far less eloquent than Gargoyleman was accustomed to from him. After a wild punch, Gargoyleman jumped over him, hooking his neck to put him in a headlock. He activated the heating mechanism on his arm. Muscle Mountain screamed in pain and fell to his knees. He then reached behind himself and grabbed Gargoyleman’s body, lifting him into the air. Even with the assistance of his suit, he didn’t have the strength to hold steady, and the giant flung him across the room.

Smashing into the wall like a meteor, Gargoyleman cracked the marble, leaving a crater in his wake. Chunks of marble dinged against the tile floor as they rained down around him. Still in agony, Muscle Mountain’s neck was red and sizzling hot. Even from the other side of the room, Gargoyleman could smell burning hair and flesh. Reeling from the throw, Gargoyleman noticed his face mask had fallen off and was lying next to him. When he tried to put it back on, the latch was broken.

A mist surrounded Gargoyleman, and the world became distorted. The ceiling stretched infinitely higher, and the walls warped and twisted. He looked back to see Fearmonger laughing, his voice sinking as deep as the darkest depths of hell. His eyes glowed red, body wreathed in fiery shadow. Muscle Mountain grew even larger, his helmet became demonic, and he roared like a dragon.

Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!

Bullets pelted Gargoyleman. Although mostly covered in armor, one pierced the crook of his arm and another, his waist. Fearmonger’s marksmanship would be a problem if this contributed. Before he could react, Muscle Mountain charged at him. Gargoyleman ran up the wall to dodge and fired one of his last three ninja stars at Fearmonger. Muscle Mountain smashed through the wall into the alley outside. Gargoyleman hallucinated malicious creatures grabbing and scratching him. The pain felt real. Their cackles were deafening.

Gargoyleman reminded himself that none of it was real, even as his heart raced and sweat drenched his body beneath his suit. He stepped into the alley after Muscle Mountain. It was the middle of the day, but outside, the world was dark. The sun was black, and the brick walls dripped with blood. Muscle Mountain shook his head after bashing it into the next building, groggily getting to one knee. Gargoyleman stood over Muscle Mountain’s leg and aimed at his Achilles again, firing his last two ninja stars. One of them found their mark, and Muscle Mountain cried out in pain again. Gargoyleman dug his taser into the colossal villain’s neck, but it did little. Muscle Mountain elbowed him away and then limped after him.

Rolling with it, Gargoyleman was on his feet as quickly as he had been tossed away. He fumbled to pull another metal cartridge from his belt and attach it to his other arm compartment. Muscle Mountain was on top of him already, and Gargoyleman tripped over something the hallucinations had obscured from his vision as he jumped back to dodge. Muscle Mountain missed with his attack, but now stood over Gargoyleman with both arms in the air. In one motion, Gargoyleman fired the cartridge into Muscle Mountain’s neck and pressed a button on his belt.

Muscle Mountain paused, his body sinking as artificial fatigue set in. With one last burst of energy, he brought his arms down and smashed Gargoyleman through the pavement.

Gargoyleman’s body fell into the sewer. His belt kept him from falling into the water, and instead hovered over it. Muscle Mountain’s arm dangled through the hole. In his last moments of consciousness, Gargoyleman weakly kicked off of it and floated away into the darkness.

I managed to snap a picture of all 4 boys! They were all snuggled up in a line, but Shitpancake started slinking off as I got the picture.

Final Form

After the legendary space warrior, Galimbo, decided not to destroy Earth, he joined Earth’s Galactic Defense Team. The self-named, self-appointed group of fighters defended the world against many galactic threats. Galimbo’s guidance made them stronger. One day, the malicious villain, known as Emperor Frijj, arrived on Earth to enslave its people. The small group of warriors conquered his armies, forcing Emperor Frijj to step into battle himself. Most of Earth’s Galactic Defense Team was defeated, leaving only Galimbo, Mad Dog, and Hiroji.

“Hiroji, how are you still standing?” asked his long-time rival, Mad Dog.

“Shut up, I can stand!” Hiroji slurred. “Bud! Throw me another one!”

“Hiroji, I don’t know if that’s a great idea, I mean, you’re pretty drunk,” Bud hollered back.

“I’m not drunk, you’re drunk!”

“No… I’m really not. I think you just need to focus on the battle.”

“Toss me another one!” Hiroji boomed.

“Hah! Pathetic.” Emperor Frijj mocked. The short alien’s purple skin glistened with sweat beneath the hot sun. “Galimbo, I’ve heard so much about you. I didn’t think you’d work to defend a planet full of weaklings.”

“Shut up, dumb alien. If I’m so weak, why can I drink more than you? Huh?” Hiroji asked.

“Yeah, Hiroji, why don’t you go sit down?” Blood dripping down the side of his face, Galimbo popped his arm back into its socket.

“Why don’t you? I can beat this guy,” Hiroji said.

“Whatever you say.” Galimbo flew to a nearby cliffside where his wife, Tulip, was waiting for him.

“Come here, baby, let momma patch you up,” she welcomed him. Hiroji mocked her under his breath.

“Hiroji, I think…”

“Shut up, Mad Dog! You go sit down, too!”

“Fine, whatever.” Mad Dog flew off to tend to his wounds.

“Bud!” Hiroji yelled.

“Yeah, yeah.” Bud grabbed a beer and threw it over a kilometer to Hiroji, who caught it effortlessly despite his intoxication.

“Loathesome parasite. You think you can defeat me?” Frijj cackled. Hiroji chugged his beer, then crushed the can and spiked it on the ground.

“You’re not so tough.” Hiroji stumbled toward Frijj. “You’ve transformed like four times to fight us. You’ve hit me like a hundred times. You’re so weak, you can’t beat a drunk human.”

Frijj’s condescending demeanor faded. Hiroji’s words held weight, scratching at Frijj’s ego. Indeed, he thought only Galimbo would be a challenge, but even this intoxicated human was standing proudly before him. His fighting spirit was an affront to Frijj’s power.

This could not stand. Frijj flew at Hiroji like a rocket, smashing a fist into his face. Hiroji crashed into the nearby cliffside, rock face crumbling around him. Frijj let loose a booming, hysterical laugh.

“How dare a measly human challenge me, the great, Emperor Frijj!” He laughed as Earth’s Galactic Defense Team cringed and groaned.

“See? You don’t even hit that hard.” Hiroji emerged from the rubble, bringing Emperor Frijj’s gleeful celebration to a halt. His friends rejoiced. Hiroji fell clumsily down the rocks, wobbling back toward Frijj. “Is this as strong as you get?”

Eye twitching with rage, Frijj pointed at Hiroji. “You want to die? This isn’t my final form, not even close!”

“Let’s see it.” Hiroji fell, head spinning. Pretending it was on purpose, he sat on the ground.

“If you insist!” Frijj took a deep breath, then focused his energy into another transformation. He grew twice his size, lizard tail stretching longer, and he grew horns. His power didn’t grow much.

“Do you think being taller makes you stronger? Come on…” Hiroji said candidly.

“This isn’t even my final form!” Frijj focused his energy again. His strength, agility, and senses expanded. Still, Hiroji was not impressed. “Just you wait.” Emperor Frijj’s voice rumbled and reverberated as if from a deep, dark pit.

This time, his body got smaller, skin turning a deep red. His senses grew such that he could hear the humming of planets. He knew it was possible, but had never before taken this form. Body tingling, he embraced the energy coursing through him.

“I can grow…even stronger.” Frijj’s potential was brimming. Focusing his energy again, his skin turned white, and he glowed brilliantly. There were sensations he had never experienced. He did not know what they were. Even the heartbeats of creatures on other planets were all around him.

“This isn’t… my… final form…”

This time, it was effortless. His body took on every form at once. To observers, it vacillated between every color and shifted between having wings, horns, and any feature imaginable. Emperor Frijj could see and hear everyone’s hopes, fears, and dreams. The history of the planet was as visible as the future. Everything was happening at once. Time was an illusion. The world he knew was but a frame in a movie that played in every direction at once. There was no beginning and no end. For all the species he had conquered, he needed only make the tiniest change, and it would be undone.

Curiosity was a concept far behind him. Yet, he wanted to see the results. Like touching a still lake, he waved his hand, and it was done. As if he had never landed on any of those planets, the accomplishments of his physical life were nothing from the perspective of infinite cosmic truth. Still, this was not his final form. There was something beyond.

He looked upon Hiroji. His pain, his pride, his love, and grit were as clear as his bright red hair. What a beautiful soul. Before embracing whatever came next, Emperor Frijj, who could no longer distinguish himself from others, touched this human’s potential, leaving him with a gift. Then, Frijj transformed again.

To the observers, he vanished, sucked into a single point without any lights or noise. Emperor Frijj, his ships and his armies were gone.

Stunned, Earth’s Galactic Defense Team saw no enemies anywhere. Even their wounds were healed. Perplexed and speechless, they looked toward Hiroji.

“See?” Hiroji said. “Told you I could beat him.”

An older picture of kitten Sanji lounging in the big fluff bed

Sidekick: First Mission

Theo, better known as Morpho, went from being a struggling, unknown sidekick to one of the most feared villains in the world. Although he didn’t see himself as a leader, everyone else did. Following his attack on Justice Tower, he recruited many powerful villains into his gang and became infamous. He also took the Red Warden’s amulet and earned it in the eyes of the Red Warden Brigade, an intergalactic aid organization.

One day, while socializing with his gang in their lounge, his amulet lit up and played a message for everyone present. The alien Koochiku’s bulbous head and eyes projected into the center of the room. When he said his name, the room erupted into laughter, and Theo quickly hushed everyone so he could listen.

“...There has been a massive earthquake on a planet in your sector. We have sent the coordinates to your amulet. Red Warden two-four-nine, for your first mission with the Red Warden Brigade, we request that you assist this planet in its initial response and recovery efforts. This is your first mission as a beacon in the night. May your light shine bright.” The image disappeared, and the room buzzed with idle chatter and the collective desire to go to space.

“Okay, hold on, everyone. I need to take a team with me…” Before Theo could finish, most people raised their hands. Theo told them to think about who could actually help, and a number of them reluctantly lowered their hands. In the end, Theo chose Aiza for her psychic powers and one of the new recruits, Thaiphoon, a Thai-American man with control of the elements.

Scooping up his team in a red energy bubble, Theo created a portal with his amulet and carried them through it. On the other side was a lush, beautiful planet with a coast covered in fires and darkness as the sun set on the disaster zone.

Theo and his team dove into action. They were all so eager to go to space, the gravity of their mission had escaped them until they saw it. They proceeded to rescue injured and trapped aliens ad nauseum. The humanoid aliens had big, sparkling eyes with finger-sized fin-like growths sprouting from their faces in patterns. Many were missing some, their beautiful translucent blue skin covered in blood, which flowed red just like humans.

Early in the night, it became apparent to them that they were not alone. There were two additional aliens from other planets helping as well. Whenever they crossed paths, they would assist speechlessly, then smile and move along to the next task. Most fascinating, each of them seemed to have a power similar to Theo’s amulet. One glowed green and the other blue, but there was no doubt about it. The blue one encased itself in energy and transformed, while the green one focused on healing, regeneration, and repairs. As a group, they swept through cities, leaving behind rescued citizens and stabilized structures.

After a while, the rescues all blurred together. Before they knew it, the sun was up. Everyone was tired, but Aiza and Thaiphoon were exhausted from using their powers so intensely all night long and were dozing off before they called it a night. Neither of them had ever pushed themselves so hard, and they were asleep before their heads hit their pillows.

“You’re not tired?” asked a soft voice while Theo stood outside their tent, appreciating the alien landscape.

Above Theo was one of the aliens with powers like his. Finally, a chance to meet one of the mysterious, good-natured aliens. He was tall with teal skin, a long neck, and patches of brown fur. His large, brilliant eyes with violet irises were a deep well of empathy. Wrapped in blue energy, he landed and met Theo on the ground with a warm smile.

“I’m kind of tired, but I’m also jazzed about being on an alien planet. I’m Theo, you can call me Morpho. Nice to meet you.”

“A pleasure. My name is Armandel. Have you replaced the other Red Warden from this sector?”

“Yeah, I’m the new guy. This is my first mission. Are you, like… another colored Warden?” Theo asked.

“I am a Blue Sentinel. We do not operate like Red Wardens.”

“How do you guys work?”

“We have no leadership structure. Our gem is fused with our hearts. We operate independently, going wherever our hearts take us. It allows me to use its energy to become whatever I need to be. It’s limited only by my physical stamina.” Armandel spoke gently, with an air of elegance.

“Cool. So, are you tired from using it all night?” Theo asked.

“Extremely, yes,” Armandel chuckled.

“Greetings, compatriots,” chimed a woman’s voice, with a strong sense of nobility and respect in her tone. Armandel and Theo turned to see the alien with the green-colored powers. She was an imposing centaur-like humanoid with antlers, a beautiful blonde mane, and prehensile tendrils that moved together like a tail. “You must be the new Red Warden. My name is Lugara, of the Green Guard.”

“Hi, Lugara. I’m Theo, you can call me Morpho. I’m really glad there was someone here who could heal. We don’t have a healer in our group.”

Theo talked with the two aliens for a little while before Armandel decided he needed sleep. Lugara and Theo followed soon after, retreating to their respective shelters set up in a local park. It was a refreshing respite after a night of hard work. Theo only got a few hours of sleep before aliens rushed into his hut to rouse him, waking Aiza and Thaiphoon as well. They were rushed up a hill to another shelter. When Theo entered, he was staggered to see Armandel’s bloody body lying on the ground with a hole in his stomach.

“He was gutted while he slept. His heart was ripped from his body,” Lugara said. Theo had not realized she was in the room. “I had a bad feeling before I arrived. Now, I see I was right to be concerned.”

“Why did you have a bad feeling?” Theo asked.

“This planet has earthquake and climate control technology, yet they were devastated by an Earthquake. It was in the back of my mind all night, but rescue efforts took priority. I think it’s time I investigate the geomanagement station.”

“We’ll join you,” Theo said. Theo and his team accompanied Lugara to the facility. While it had been devastated by the earthquake, something else had happened there. They found blood-stained walls and dead bodies strewn about. Aiza did not sense anyone in the area.

“Blue Sentinels are driven by their hearts. The effect is so strong that most psychics can’t detect them. Whoever ripped Armandel’s heart from his body probably stole his power for themselves. We can assume they are invisible to your psychic,” Lugara warned.

Using their amulets to translate alien signage, Theo and Lugara navigated the group through the facility. Many employees were dead and in pieces, their bodies ripped open just like Armandel. As feared, the control console had been programmed to set off an Earthquake. No sooner had Lugara’s concerns been confirmed than the roof caved in with a violent crash.

Theo was quick enough to shield himself and Thaiphoon next to him, but Lugara was caught off guard and was only able to partially shield herself and Aiza. Aiza screamed in pain as a beam fell and broke both her legs. When the dust settled, Lugara’s glowing green energy was shielding her and Aiza in a bubble, protecting them from a mountain of rubble. Lugara was injured and lying on the ground. Standing atop the rubble was a giant wolf-man with gray fur and glowing blue eyes, snarling at Theo.

“Your comrade is injured. My leg is broken. My bubble won’t last long,” Lugara called for help.

“Then, I’ll have two amulets!” The wolf-man bounced on the rubble heap to compound the pressure.

“Hey!” Theo called. “Whatever your name is, didn’t we beat you in an honorable battle? Doesn’t that mean you’re supposed to go away?”

“My name is Fangor! Remember it, human. Back on my homeworld, losing my amulet robbed me of my honor and status. I was cast off and replaced. So, nothing stands between me and my vengeance!”

Blue energy enveloped Fangor and stretched his arms, legs, and body, ballooning them to a massive size. As Fangor’s weight increased, Lugara cried out, her bubble cracking beneath the pressure. Theo created a red energy support structure around Lugara and Aiza, then scooped them out before the whole thing collapsed.

From the safety of Theo’s red energy bubble, they watched the building collapse around them. Theo got some distance from the large transforming monster and set his team on the ground. He looked up in awe at the behemoth that towered before them. Fangor had turned into a beast that resembled a wingless dragon mixed with a bear. It had four arms, two legs, and two tails.

“Lugara, can you protect Aiza?” Theo’s eyes darted between Fangor and Lugara, who was healing her hind leg. With a pained look on her face, there was a loud crunch. She cried out, then breathed a sigh of relief. A moment later, her leg was healed.

“I can now.” Lugara’s green energy carefully picked up Aiza, and Lugara hurried away with her in tow.

“Thaiphoon, let’s take this guy down!” Theo zoomed into battle.

“Finally, some action!” Thaiphoon blasted off after Theo, a swirling fiery blaze behind him, rocketing him into the sky.

Theo and Thaiphoon clashed with the giant blue dragonbear. Theo flew circles around it, manifesting giant red swords and shields, slashing at Fangor. Thaiphoon bombarded it with fire and shifted the ground beneath Fangor’s feet to keep him off balance. They clobbered the monster, and it clobbered right back. Flailing its paws and tail, it threatened to hurt innocent people in an area they had just fixed the day before.

“We can’t mess around with him when he’s this big. We’ve got to end this fast!” Theo shouted to Thaiphoon over the monster’s angry roars.

“You’ve got it, boss.” Thaiphoon flew away, headed for the river.

“Dude, don’t call me boss. It’s weird. We’re a team! Whatever, he can’t hear me.” Theo returned to bashing and slashing at Fangor while Thaiphoon flew over the river and collected a swirling column of water. Rising high into the sky, Thaiphoon split it into six columns with pointed ends and turned them to ice. He aimed them all at Fangor and thrust his arms forward.

The giant ice spikes flew at Fangor like spears, piercing his body and stabbing him into the ground. The beast lay impaled and moaning in pain. Blue energy enveloped Fangor and turned him back into a wolf-man. Bleeding from holes in his body, Fangor fell to his knees to catch his breath. Theo was there a moment later.

“I see you’re too much of a coward to show up to a mission on your own,” Fangor growled.

“We came to rescue people, not fight,” Theo said.

“Well, I guess next time, I’ll have to bring some friends of my own.”

“I’d rather there not be a next time. Why can’t we just squash this?” Theo asked.

“Easy to say when you have everything. No. I won’t roll over and show you my belly. I’ll be back.” Fangor launched into the sky like a swirling blue meteor.

Theo and Thaiphoon cleaned up the battle zone. Theo informed the Red Warden Brigade about Fangor, then returned home with his team.

His first mission as a warden was a success. Still, Theo couldn’t help but feel culpable for the entire tragedy in the first place. The earthquake wasn’t his fault; someone else caused it. However, that someone else did it only to get to him. There was something about that which troubled him in ways he could not reconcile.

Zoro found her way into the backpack, and when not forced inside, found it a serene and peaceful place where she could contemplate the meaning of life…

Space Case: Trust Issues

On Earth, darkness at night is a thing of the past if you live anywhere near civilization. When the lights are always on, you need to create your own darkness. Some people find that comforting, others feel trapped by it. Either one can be beneficial or a problem, depending on the situation. When you’ve got something to hide, darkness is your friend. That’s why the police always show up with a whole bunch of lights.

Four patrol cars descended from the skies after Marco called in his bounty. Seven officers poured out of the vehicles. The solo officer checked Marco’s license and took his report. A pair of officers escorted them through the scene of the incident as Marco walked them through everything. They checked the rooms and the hallway closet as Marco talked. In the end, one of the officers asked, “Sir, was there anyone else here?”

“Do you see any more bodies?” Marco asked with a fanciful twist, examining his surroundings.

The officer shuffled and shook his head, then rephrased his questions. “I just need to confirm there was nobody else in the apartment.”

“I came in through the second bedroom window. Before I made my move, I made sure he was the only one in the apartment,” Marco said.

With a nod, the officer returned to checking the premises. About twenty minutes later, Marco’s bounty had been confirmed, and he was paid with a charged card, since Marco didn’t provide any Earth-based accounts for a direct transfer. The cops stayed, but Marco was free to go. For a long time, dead or alive bounties were a memory from America’s Old West. Ever since the world fell apart, they had become a standard practice throughout inhabited space.

A legal death doesn’t mean you aren’t going to ruffle any feathers. This guy had gang tattoos on his neck and knuckles. He was also hiding a woman who was afraid of the police. No matter which way you slice it, there’s bad guys on all sides. Staying in the safe embrace of darkness, Marco made sure he wasn’t being followed. It was a tedious journey back to his car, tucked away in an alley, hiding a scared young woman inside it. The car took to the skies and carried them back to the hotel where Marco was staying.

“Hey, I’m Marco in three-fifteen. I need to stay a couple more nights. Just charge the card on file,” Marco told the young man behind the check-in desk.

“You got it.”

While the clerk worked, Marco examined the hotel lobby. There wasn’t much space. The building was once a modest apartment complex which had been converted into a hotel. Or, perhaps it was a hotel which started renting apartments. Either way, the economy in this region tanked alongside most of the planet and people figured out how to survive.

“Hey buddy, is there a manager I can talk to?” Marco asked.

“Yeah, the night manager, Maria, is here. Is something wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong. I do need to talk to her though. If she’s busy, I’ll wait. She doesn’t need to rush.”

Patience pays dividends, especially when you want something. It was at least fifteen minutes before Maria arrived, and when she did, Marco welcomed her with a warm smile. She smiled back with relief. Although she wore her frustrations like a hat, Marco was not another piece of that weight she carried.

Marco opened with, “How are you? You look like you’ve had a rough day.”

Maria groaned and rolled her eyes. “Teenagers. My little one is fourteen and he loves going to the game hall. But that area isn’t as safe as it used to be. He hasn’t checked in like he’s supposed to, and it’s been a friggin’ day and a half! I can’t reach him, and I’ve just been worried sick. I’m sorry, I don’t need to trouble you with my problems. What can I help you with?”

Marco pulled out his credentials for Maria. “I’m a private eye. I’m working on a case and need to protect someone for a couple of days. After hearing about your son, I’m thinking maybe we could help each other out.”

Maria was happy to set up the vacant room next to Marco and label it as being out of service in exchange for Marco retrieving her son. The troublesome child was a heartache for Maria, but a blessing to Marco.

While many large institutions had collapsed, the surviving industries thrived and filled that void. Gaming halls had become popular since the collapse, taking over large spaces to offer a wide variety of gaming experience alongside food, drinks, private rooms, a gym, showers, and anything else that might whisk one away. Having never been to one, Marco arrived with a sense of curiosity and wonder. He asked the employees questions to learn the basics. When they told him that gaming halls block external signals, supposedly to prevent cheating, Marco understood why Maria couldn’t reach her son. If Marco wanted to reach the outside world, he needed to go to a special room named the Call Room.

With a name and a picture of Maria’s son, Marco explored the massive gaming hall section by section, asking patrons and employees if they recognized him. He stopped to play a couple of his favorite games, but generally stayed on-mission. While he loved the establishment, Marco was unsettled by the proliferation of shady characters lurking throughout the building. He was offered drugs several times. On one occasion, he inquired as to their wares, pretending to be interested in boosters that could give him a physical or mental boost. Some boosters are considered cheating in games, making it the only artificial advantage anyone in the building could get. For a facility with so many underage patrons, the lack of law enforcement was atrocious.

Minors were allowed to wander the establishment at such a late hour thanks to the overnight room rentals. They couldn’t go home unless an adult picked them up, so they stayed and played games all night. Luckily, the light foot traffic made it easier to track down Maria’s son. Marco found him playing a cooperative shooter with a young Indian boy.

“Alex? My name’s Marco, I’m a private eye,” Marco shared his credentials. “Your mom ain’t too happy that you haven’t come home or reached out and asked me to bring you home.”

“Aw man, am I in trouble?” Alex asked.

“Probably. Your mom seemed pretty upset.”

“But, that’s not fair! When I realized what time it was, I went to the Call Room and it was really busy. I knew she couldn’t come get me because her shift was starting so I just stayed.”

“What about yesterday?”

“She knew where I was,” Alex said casually.

“Weren’t you supposed to check in?”

“Like I said, it was busy.”

“Yeah, sir,” his friend with curly black hair chimed in. “It was like, packed! And there were these guys there trying to sell us stuff, so we left.”

“But, don’t tell my mom that part or she won’t let me come back,” Alex elbowed his friend.

“You guys don’t want any of the stuff these guys are selling?” Marco asked. Both boys made disgusted faces and shook their heads. “Good. That stuff can really mess you up. I’ve seen it happen.”

Marco talked with the boys a little longer before taking Alex home. On the walk, he consulted Alex about life, school, having more empathy for his mom, and growing up without a dad. Both Alex and his mom carried a lot of fear, which caused most of their tension. Being a private eye often puts you in the path of people who need help. Although Maria sent Marco to fetch her child, that conversation was where the real value lay. Maria was even surprised by his cooperative, positive attitude after she scolded him.

“You want my honest opinion?” Marco asked her after she sent Alex away. Bristling with concern, she said yes. “Alex is a good kid with a good head on his shoulders, good friends, and a mom who loves him. He’s going to be alright. You guys just have to learn to trust each other.”

Maria held back tears and thanked him. “Here.” She handed Marco Alex’s game pass. “He’s grounded, so he won’t need this for a couple of weeks. Take whatever is on there as a tip. I’ll get him a new one when he earns it. The room is already set up.”

Marco fetched and escorted the young woman to her room, taking the service elevator to avoid cameras. Unlike Maria and Alex, Marco and this woman didn’t have the time to earn each other’s trust. The room flooded with light, they sat across from each other at a small round dining table, sizing each other up before speaking.

“Alright, who are you? What’s your name and what’s your deal?” Marco asked directly.

She eyed Marco, then shuffled in her seat, crossing her arms. “You first.”

“I’m the guy who rescued you and decided not to tell the cops about you. Look.” Marco pulled out his credentials. His name, picture, and identification number. Everything was there, but she remained suspicious.

“How do I know you lied to the cops? You could be working for them.”

Marco unbuttoned his shirt to reveal chest armor. “Look, neither of us has time for this. I answer this, then you decide if you trust me or if I’m dropping you off with the cops.” Marco hadn’t finished his sentence before a video projected from his armor. She watched Marco lie to the cops, then Marco skipped ahead to his conversation with Maria, then Alex. “I’ve already done more for you than you deserve, based on your attitude. When I rescued you and you asked for my help, you asked for my trust. I’ve protected you until now. If this isn’t a two-way street, then it doesn’t need to go any further.”

She contemplated for a moment. The look in her eyes no longer carried the same burdens. Soon, she uncrossed her arms and turned to face Marco. “Nice tech. Ex-soldier?”

“You first.”

“My name is Luna.”

“Luna? A pleasure to meet you. My name’s Marco. See? That wasn’t too hard. Now, what’s going on that you didn’t want the police involved?”

“You know about that cop who died last week?”

“No, I’m not from around here.”

“Oh, okay. Well, I own a tech shop around the corner from my apartment. That cop was suspicious of some things that were going on in his department and came to me for help. He died a couple of days later. Some cops came by asking questions, but I denied knowing him. After that, I noticed some weird people around. Then some guys grabbed me when I was on my way to work.”

“Why didn’t they just kill you?”

“They wanted to know what I had. Someone was supposed to come by tomorrow to… I guess to torture me?”

“Did that cop actually find anything?” Marco asked with intrigue.

“A few things, I guess. Not much, but it’s proof that his department is corrupt.”

“I’ll be the judge of that. Do you have any of it?” Marco asked.

“I made a black box for him. He sent everything to it remotely, so it has whatever he found before he died. It’s hidden in my apartment.”

“Okay. I’ve got a buddy in the department. Tomorrow, I’ll make sure the cops aren’t watching your apartment, then we can go pick it up.”

“What? No! I said no cops!”

“Hey, keep it down. This room is supposed to be vacant. My buddy is the one who tipped me off about that bounty. He wouldn’t have done that if he were dirty. So, we’re going to trust him, okay? You want to survive? We do this my way. You understand? You’ve got to trust me.”

Pensive and reluctant, Luna agreed.

Not only does Shitpancake love curling up like this, but you can snuggle up to him and he’ll just lay there and snuggle with you, if you can bring yourself to disturb this previous kitty…

Watering Hole

A herd of zebras migrates through the savanna as the weather changes. Perilous dangers abound from one place to another, and the herd stays close together for protection. The only thing that remains consistent as they go from place to place is that watering holes are sacred places. At a watering hole, there are no hunters or prey, only thirsty animals. Even lions respected this unspoken rule.

One day the herd arrived at a watering hole that many of the youngsters had never visited before. The older zebras warned them all that at this watering hole, there was someone who didn’t respect it as a sacred space. The adults all talked amongst themselves about looking out for this predator. Sometimes he comes from the land, sometimes from the water. He could come from anywhere. As they approached the watering hole, his name was spoken in whispers.

They would say, “Watch out for Tyson,” or, “surely, Tyson will be lurking about.”

“What do I do if I see Tyson?” a young zebra asked.

The general advice was, “Just run away. That’s all you can do. He might chase you, but just keep running.”

When the herd arrived at the watering hole, everyone stayed close together. They yipped and bustled about. It was difficult to get to the front of the herd to drink water, and there were whispers that it could be because of Tyson. Most of the youth were terrified to encounter Tyson, but Ziggy figured the older zebra were playing tricks on the kids. Ziggy was also quite thirsty, and hedged his bets that Tyson wasn’t even real. He ventured off a bit from his herd and found a small clearing surrounded by tall grass next to the water. Covered from all sides, it was hard to imagine a safer place to stop for a drink of water.

Still, Ziggy couldn’t help but be cautious. Anything could be lurking in the water waiting for him to drink. He inched toward it, one hoof at a time, reaching his head toward the water’s edge. He glanced over his shoulders just in case and froze in place. He was so concerned about the water that he assumed the tall grass kept him safe and failed to see a lion lurking within it. Fear held Ziggy trembling in place. The lion’s eyes were locked onto him and it gracefully crept through the grass toward Ziggy.

“T-T-T-T-Tyson?” Ziggy squeaked.

“Tyson?” The lion sprung in place and spun around. “Where?” It jumped to look left, then right, then scooted backward into the clearing next to Ziggy. “I thought you said you saw Tyson?” The lion asked him.

“I… thought… you were… Tyson,” Ziggy sputtered nervously.

“Me? Oh, no way. Tyson is a jerk. This is a watering hole, it’s supposed to be a sacred space. Tyson makes life difficult for everyone,” the lion bemoaned.

“So, you’re not going to eat me?” Ziggy asked. His bones had stopped rattling and his heart no longer felt like it was beating so hard it would surely burst.

“No can do. This is a watering hole, little Zebra. You’re safe. Besides, you’re pretty scrawny. I’d rather catch someone bigger. A real meal, you know what I mean? You’re a snack, at best. No offense.”

“Was not offended. Thank you. So uh… I totally thought Tyson wasn’t real,” Ziggy confided in the affable lion.

“Oh, no. Tyson’s real. I’m playing by the rules here, but Tyson doesn’t have any rules. He’s like some kind of maniac. There’s something wrong with that guy. If you see him, just run away. He may chase you, but just keep running. Best thing you can do, trust me.”

“Is that why you’re here? Trying to find a safe place from Tyson?” Ziggy asked.

“Me? Oh, no way. I haven’t seen Ziggy yet, today. I’m trying to get away from my wives. I’ve got nine. I can never get a moment of peace, you know?” the lion confided in Ziggy.

“Yeah, I know what you mean. Our herd is the same.”

“Oh yeah, of course. Sorry if I was being insensitive or anything. Hey, my name’s Phil,” the lion introduced himself.

“Nice to meet you, Phil. I’m Ziggy. So, I can drink some water and you won’t attack me?”

“You don’t have to worry about me. Actually, I’ve worked up a thirst too. Come on, let’s grab a drink.” Phil walked up to the water’s edge and smiled back at Ziggy.

Now relaxed and feeling much safer than before, Ziggy pranced happily to the water’s edge next to Phil. Together, they leaned over and drank. Ziggy never thought he would drink water side-by-side with a lion, even at a watering hole. Furthermore, he never thought a lion could be so darn friendly.

The sharp cry of Phil screaming in pain broke the serene moment. He pulled back from the water and hanging from his face was a snapping turtle.

“Ah! What’s that!” Ziggy cried.

Phil shook his face until the turtle fell to the ground. “It’s Tyson!” Phil yelled. Face bleeding, he backed away from the tiny shelled terror.

“Ah-ha! Thought you could hide from me over here, did you? This is my lake, you filthy land-walkers!” Tyson followed Phil as he backed away, snapping at his paws. When Phil dashed away hoping Tyson would head back into the lake, Tyson instead chased Ziggy.

“Ah! What should I do?” Ziggy asked.

“Run! Just run away!” Phil hollered. Ziggy ran toward Phil, but Tyson was undeterred.

“You think you’re so cool with your legs? I can walk on land, too! Get back here so I can bite you again, you bastard!” Tyson chased them into the tall grass as they ran out of the clearing and parted ways. “Get back here, you hooligans! Dirt-loving scum!”

Zoro turned this bag into a tunnel, then decided to wear it

Magnus: Angry Forest

King Oraku’s army arrived at the mountain fort a week after Magnus and his Marauders conquered it. Magnus’s Marauders feasted and consulted with them about the terrain ahead, departing a day later. It would take a fortnight to reach their next destination, an underground mountain pass to the Northeast. King Oraku warned them to beware, for there were giants there, and humans were not allowed. Still, Magnus insisted that if there was a way the smugglers were getting through, they could as well.

A few days after their departure, they waded through the heavy brush of a bountiful forest. It was difficult to find an open space to train, so Magnus took to studying Eranor’s spell books.

“Eranor,” Magnus called as they waded through the brush. He handed a spell book to Eranor. “I have been looking for a spell like the one Jafret uses to move around. Do you have anything like it?”

“I'm afraid not, my Prince. I'd like to craft one, but it would take some time and experimentation. However, I can help you plan around it. Truth be told, by the time you faced him, he was tired. I'd fear for your safety if you were to face him again. He is a cunning mage. I didn't see his trick until it was too late.”

“Too true, my friend. It was quite a spectacle watching your battle with him. I'm just glad I was there when I needed to be.” Magnus patted him on the back. “I'd very much like to come up with some strategies to fight Jafret. He holds a grudge. We haven't seen the last of him.”

“If you don't mind indulging my curiosity, what spells have you pilfered from my spell book to your own?” Eranor asked.

“Spell book? I don't have a spell book. I was doing research on the mechanics behind such a spell so I can beat it.”

“You don't have a spell book? How? Why?” Eranor was so befuddled that he didn't watch where he was going, tripping over several roots and rocks as he stared wide-eyed at Magnus.

“I never saw the point. I'm not a mage, per se. I learned the principles but never saw the purpose in building up a spell book when I can just come to you.”

“No wonder you can only conjure a few spells in battle. Have I taught you nothing?” Eranor almost ran into a tree, moving aside just in time.

“I've learned some new spells on our journey. I think I'll get a spell book first thing when we get back home,” Magnus said gleefully.

Eranor gripped his face in frustration. “Do you not even have your childhood spell book?”

A ruckus grabbed their attention and they hurried to it. The thrashing and hollering of men drew the Marauders together. Magnus and Eranor came upon a group of men facing a hulking elemental. A whole head taller than their tallest man, it was a monstrous tornado of wood and leaves with arms and a lower half that blended into the ground. They kept their distance and treated it more like a thrashing horse than a threat.

“Get back! Come, everyone!” Eranor shouted, waving his arms. “You're just angering it. Everyone, we must leave this area!”

The warning came too late. The elemental grew three times its size and let loose a ghastly, guttural roar. It's long arms flailed at the men, sending several flying. Two more haunting roars came from the forest. Moments later, a giant hurricane of water with arms and a face stormed out of the forest. Eyes glowing red, it smashed into a group of Marauders like a tidal wave. From the other side, a towering whirlwind of fire burned it's way into the battle, slashing at Marauders with its fiery claws and lighting everything around it aflame.

“Retreat!” Magnus boomed, helping an injured Marauder to walk. “Grab the injured and run! This way!”

Magnus and his Marauders carried the injured and ran while Eranor and his mages protected them. They crested the hill and ahead was a wooden fort. As they got closer, it seemed to be abandoned.

“Head for the fort!” Magnus ordered as more elementals closed in from all sides.

“There's no fort on the map!” Farko shouted as they ran.

“Let's worry about that later!” Magnus said.

The fort seemed to have been created in a hurry. The wood had not been treated for weather, so it was never meant to be permanent and would make for drafty nights. Still, it was built on a solid foundation with a raised ring of earth at the base of the walls. A river ran through the middle of it. There were a few towers and a large wooden keep that easily housed them all. When the mages caught up, the injured were being treated.

“I see you remember my lessons about elementals,” Eranor said to Magnus.

“Of course. An angry elemental has been wronged. Instead of fighting them, figure out what's wrong and fix it.”

Magnus’s first order was to secure the fort. Every able-bodied Marauder moved with haste to figure out their terrain and assess what they had to work with. Oddly, the inside was practically barren. There were some discarded tins, but otherwise almost nothing, not even furniture.

“Something off about this place. I’ve got a bad feeling about it,” Nastor said with a scowl.

“That makes two of us,” Magnus replied. “Eranor, could this fort be the reason the elementals are upset?”

“Possibly. This wood had to come from somewhere. We'll have to search the forest.”

“It's too late to start that now. Let's get settled, eat, and make a plan for tomorrow. Thanks to the river, we have fresh water. Although, I do think there's something odd about this waterway,” Magnus said.

With their grueling march interrupted, they relished in the comfort of the open space and leisure time. A few spells kept their presence a secret from the elementals, giving them a brief reprieve.

The next day they broke into teams of four, each with two mages to keep the elementals at bay, and two trackers. Magnus led his own team up the river. Everyone else stayed at the fort.

One team found where the trees were culled. The bald patch in the forest was not far away, and it was swarming with angry elementals. They were noticed and barely escaped.

Magnus and his team followed the river uphill for several hours. The further they went, the more they had to hide from elementals. Finally, they stopped at a clearing.

Trees were torn in half and splintered across the area. Although there were plenty of rocks and boulders, they seemed to be strewn about. There were also remnants of a small building with a tile roof. The mages shielded Magnus and his trackers from the elementals while they scoured the area for clues.

“It was a temple to the forest,” Magnus shared late that afternoon. “Someone destroyed it to divert the river this way.”

“Who would do something so stupid?” Nastor said.

“I think it was Jafret,” Magnus said. “We're far enough away that they could have built this place to have somewhere to rest for a few days. With his magic and their remaining manpower, this place could be up in a day.”

“But why anger the forest?” asked one of the mages.

“Because they knew we'd be behind them,” Farko said.

“They get a reprieve and leave an army of angry elementals behind them to cover their escape,” Magnus explained for anyone who wasn't caught up. “We need to redirect the river back to its normal path and build a new shrine. We can use the fort for our raw materials so we don't have to cut down any more of the forest.”

“If we do this,” Farko grabbed the room's attention. “We'll have to burn the fort down behind us.” The room broke into light discussion, and Farko spoke up to bring their attention back. “We're not staying here anyway, we're moving on. This place is part of the problem, remember? On top of that, most of you have seen how many elementals are out there. We'll be overrun. This will put us out in the open. Burning down the fort will force the elementals to come deal with the fire before it spreads, and might give us the breathing room we need.”

Farko’s wisdom won out in the end. They spent the next day tearing down what they needed for the shrine. Luckily, one of the rogues used to work construction, and he designed a beautiful, simple shrine that would be easy to erect. They used magic to paint it, and made sure to test its construction and take it apart again. Lastly, they created a small plaque to commemorate the site. Every Marauder slept soundly that night.

The next morning, they awoke with gusto. They set fire to the fort at multiple points and hurried away. They encountered a few elementals, but the mages warded them off while everyone rushed by.

At the home of the destroyed shrine, elementals were still abundant. Marauders created distractions to draw off as many as they could. With only a few remaining, the main group charged in.

The Marauder mages pushed back the forces of nature itself while Nastor and his rogues hurried to plant explosives in the rocks. They rushed back to cover and everyone waited together in silence. Then, the explosion boomed through the forest, scaring off birds and animals far and wide. Water rained down in the area and soon the noise died down. The river had changed course, but continued to flow down the artificial path as well.

Eranor ran to cast a spell on the largest boulder there and hurled it into the path of the artificial river.

“The river is fixed! Let's build this shrine before every elemental in the area comes after us!” Eranor shouted.

The Marauders hurried to find a location and built it in a hurry. Mages created deep holes to keep it stable. The pieces fit together perfectly, and wooden nails were hammered in to ensure everything stayed in place.

A rumbling beneath their feet made it difficult to finish the shrine. Most concerning was that it seemed to be getting closer. Already mostly surrounded by elementals and struggling to hold them back, they couldn't see what was coming.

The final nails went in as a shadow was cast over them. Atop the hill was a giant rock elemental. It roared and began charging down the hill. The earth shook violently, knocking them all to their feet.

“Like we talked about! Everyone, pray!” Magnus ordered.

Everyone dropped to their knees, closed their eyes and said a prayer for the forest. They put the rumbling earth and raging elementals out of their minds and directed peace and love into the shrine they had built. Then, the rumbling stopped. The shadow was gone. Birds were singing again, and the roar of elementals had vanished.

Magnus and his Marauders jumped for joy and celebrated the victory. Those who took a moment to look to the forest’s edge noticed nymphs, fairies, and gnomes instead of raging elementals. They all smiled back at the Marauders, who could feel their gratitude coursing through them.

Strangely, since Magnus was not standing beneath anything, something dropped onto his head and fell into his hand. Magnus examined the strange item. It was a small conch shell fused with a ruby.

“What's that you've got?” Eranor approached from his side.

“I don't know, it fell on my head.”

“Ah, it's a gift from the forest. A token of gratitude. It's likely very powerful, it might protect you. Turn it into a necklace and wear it for luck.”

“Thanks, I will.” Magnus found a forest nymph and smiled, then thanked her for the gift. She smiled back, blew him a kiss, and vanished into the brush.

Refer a friend

Shitpancake asleep and derped out on our little square tower

Gargoyleman: Clown College

A world-renowned psychologist visited Newmoon City’s Crescent University to talk about criminality in the modern world. He discussed discipline, education, intelligence, and empathy as prime factors that create villains. While he praised heroes and all the good they do in the world thanks to their virtues, a colorless gas that smelled like farts was released into the auditorium. People tried to ignore the fart smell and pay attention to the lecture, but that eventually became impossible.

The room was evacuated for fear of a sewage leak, and for a day or two, people thought it was a harmless prank. That was until everyone in attendance, including the psychologist, started popping up in the news. Over the next few days, everyone from the auditorium went out and bought grease paint. They stopped going to work or school and started committing crimes painted as clowns.

Quickly catching the pattern, the police rounded up everyone who was in the auditorium that day and publicly ruled it as a villain attack. Local doctors identified the toxin that was causing the strange behavior, but could do nothing about it. The victims had stopped eating so they were sedated and placed on an intravenous drip.

Nobody needed to call Gargoyleman to investigate. He appeared from the shadows of Police Chief Jordan’s office late one night.

“Jeez, you always scare the crap out of me when you do that.” Chief Jordan jumped. “I'm already dealing with this clown show, gangs have started feuding again, my doctor tells me I have to sit on this pillow and my blood pressure is up. I don't need you giving me a heart attack, too. Can't afford to take the time off work, and I don't think you can afford to pay for my time off.” Chief Jordan was more stressed than usual.

“You need a vacation,” Gargoyleman said matter-of-factly.

“You're telling me. Are you here to help with any of this or are you here to put more work on my plate?”

“I already visited the hospital and helped myself to a few things. I'm going to run some tests and see if I can find anything. This toxin seems too powerful for Cackling Clown,” Gargoyleman said.

“You think someone else could be behind this?”

“I have a few theories, but he's definitely involved. I'll let you know what I find out. Speaking of which, have you looked into that thing I asked for a few months ago?”

“The one about the uh…” Gargoyleman held his index finger to his lips and Chief Jordan stopped talking. He reached into his desk, pulling out a manila folder. Handing it over, he gave Gargoyleman a stern nod and a smile. “I did find some… interesting things.”

“Thank you.”

“If you could do me a favor, though.” Chief Jordan crossed his office to click on his water boiler and pulled out a cup of instant noodles. “Get Cackling Clown off my streets, will ya? This city has gone absolutely insane since he came back. It's going to put me in an early grave.”

“With your blood pressure, the salt in those noodles will kill you first,” Gargoyleman said from the darkness.

Chief Jordan let loose a frustrated grunt and threw the noodles in the trash. “What the hell am I supposed to eat?” He turned around, but there was no Gargoyleman, only curtains flapping over an open window.

Gargoyleman’s multi-million dollar supercomputer was the perfect tool for quickly analyzing the toxin. What he found was alarming. This was no ordinary toxin, but one that behaved like a parasite. It controlled people's behavior, making it's victims turn themselves into criminal clowns.

Counteracting the toxin, however, was no easy task. Gargoyleman set his computer to simulate possible cures, but his primary education was not in medicine, and his parameters were insufficient. Not even one year ago, he could have collaborated with any number of heroes to come up with a solution, but now, he was in direct opposition to those resources. Frustration mounting, he decided to take a walk and visit the containment cells. Venus gave him a wry smile and a wink as he passed. A few cells down from her was the special containment unit for Zero Cool.

“To what do I owe the pleasure of your company? I've been down here for months and I've seen you maybe three times. If it weren't for that delightful woman down the way, I would have died of loneliness.” Zero Cool leaned forward on his knees, hands clasped together.

“Maybe I can get you a pet penguin.” Gargoyleman’s deadpan tone inspired a laugh from Zero Cool.

“So, you do have a sense of humor.”

“It's best not to underestimate me,” Gargoyleman said.

“A fair point.”

“I've been looking into what you asked,” Gargoyleman said. Zero Cool’s eyes beamed. He stood up and crossed his cell to meet Gargoyleman at the forcefield which separated them. “I ran down some leads on my end and got access to some restricted police information. I don't think you have anything to worry about. However, some of the people you worked with fell for it, and you got swept into a few of those.”

Zero Cool nodded and took a deep breath. His eyes closed and he learned his head back, took a moment, then looked to meet Gargoyleman's eyes again. “Thank you for that. It's an answer I can live with. Please, if you ever need a helping hand, I'm willing. Could I make a small request?”

“Depends,” Gargoyleman grumbled.

“I've watched nine new television shows in my time here. Wonderful as they were, I need something more stimulating. Could I please get a gaming console in here? I need to keep my mind sharp.”

Gargoyleman considered it for a moment and said, “It won't be going online.”

“That's fine. I don't need that.”

“I'll see what I can do.” Gargoyleman walked away, choosing not to reply when Zero Cool bid him farewell.

On his way out of the containment area, Gargoyleman paused at Venus’s cell. She bloomed to life. The weaved vines forming her bed lifted Venus to her feet and she pranced to the forcefield with a smile.

“Anything I can do for you?” Venus swiveled her body flirtatiously.

After a long pause to contemplate, Gargoyleman asked, “didn't you used to be a nurse?”

“Yeah. Powers kicked in during college. I suppressed them for way too long. That was a mistake.” Venus rolled her eyes. People who suppress their powers often have an episode where their powers explode uncontrollably and usually cause a lot of damage. For some, that episode lands them in prison and forever sets them on the path of villainy.

“I need your help, but I don't intend on letting you go.”

“You drive a hard bargain, but I don't want to go anywhere,” she said gleefully.

“Why not?” Gargoyleman asked suspiciously.

“Can I speak freely here?” Venus glanced around the room nervously.

“Paragon Man can't hear you,” he assured her.

“Okay, good. Oof!” Venus put a hand on her chest and paced in circles as she spoke. “That guy wants you dead. I had to put on a show because he was pressuring me. I don't know where I can be safe from him except here. Please don't make me go. I'll help you with whatever you need.”

“I didn't realize Paragon Man was putting so much pressure on the villains he released. Any thoughts as to why I've only had to deal with a few of you?” he asked.

“Well, I know some people had their own business to deal with first. I don't know about everyone, though. Paragon Man only felt confident releasing a few of us at a time.”

“Who else was released with you?” Gargoyleman asked, intrigued to see a former enemy be so cooperative.

“Deathknell, Nightmare, Darius Dark, and Lady Vengeance. I was the weakest of the bunch, but Paragon Man said he doesn't underestimate the power of poison.”

“Interesting.” Gargoyleman tapped on the pad next to the cell and the forcefield disappeared. “I need your help creating an antidote.”

“I'm happy to help.” Curious and eager, Venus followed Gargoyleman to his lab.

Gargoyleman showed her what he had and over the next ten hours he saw a new side of her. Venus was professional, curious, knowledgeable, and driven. She used her knowledge and intelligence to figure out the problem, and her plant powers to create the solution. By the time Venus handed Gargoyleman the vial with the antidote, she was ready to pass out. She wished him a good day and returned to her cell with a yawn.

Gargoyleman synthesized more of the antidote and delivered boxes of it to the roof of the hospital using drones. He sent Chief Jordan a secure message to ensure their retrieval.

Later that night, Chef Jordan went to the police station roof to turn on the beacon in hopes of summoning Gargoyleman for an update.

“Good evening, Chief,” Gargoyleman's voice called from the shadows.

“Jesus! I just turned this thing on. Come to think of it, I don't think you've ever been here waiting for me before. Thanks for that antidote. Worked like a charm. A lot of the victims are already recovering. The doctors said they couldn't do anything about this pathogen. How'd you cook that up so fast?”

“The gas came from Fearmonger. As for the cure, I had help.”

“Of course.” Chief Jordan smacked his forehead. “Should have figured one of your hero friends helped you make it. Fearmonger, though? He's bad news. I wonder what's got him working with Cackling Clown.”

“I got help from Venus.”

“Venus? The woman that attacked downtown a couple weeks ago?”

“From what I read, the psychologist giving the talk had a few things to say about heroes and villains. The world isn't always what it seems. Make sure he knows a villain saved his life.”

“You're blowing my mind here, I think his is going to melt. You've got to be kidding me.” Chief Jordan paced in a circle. “Hold on, why didn't one of your hero friends help?”

Gargoyleman stared silently at Chief Jordan, contemplating his answer. Finding no safe way to explain, he sidestepped the question. “You said gangs are feuding again? Maybe I can look into that for you.”

“Sure, wouldn't mind the help on that. It's a couple of yours anyway. Cross-Face and the Pelican.”

“I'll look into it. I wanted to thank you for getting that information I asked for.”

“Yeah, no problem. I noticed some strange details about all that.” Chief Jordan paused for a moment, scratching at his goatee and tapping his foot. “I don't usually ask questions when I do things for you, but do you mind helping me put the dots together here? And, why the extreme secrecy? You didn't let me speak words about it. That was weird.”

“You really want to know? I could use your help for the next step.” Gargoyleman stepped into the light.

Rarely did Chief Jordan get a good look at the towering man in his black and gray suit. Horns protruded from the sides of his head, and even though there was only a glow of light where eyes should be, Chief Jordan could feel Gargoyleman looking at him.

“Next step, huh? Look, if you're going after a big fish and trying to keep me safe, I don't need that. This is my job. I want to know what's going on.” Chief Jordan said sternly.

“I'll have to figure out what I can share with you. To be honest, in order to do what needs to be done, I'm going to need help.”

“What kind of character are you going after? A politician? Crime boss?” Chief Jordan grinned, eager to help. The conviction melted from his face when Gargoyleman answered.

“If we're sticking with the fish analogy, I'm going after the elder God who lives in the deepest, darkest part of the ocean.”

Zoro and Sanji chillin’ like villains on a villain blanket

Space Tourists

Oh how the mighty lust for knowledge and adventure enraptures beings throughout the universe. How many cats have dared one too many times? How many sailors never again saw their homelands? Even super intelligent beings like those who crashed at Roswell flew too close to the sun.

Of course, stories abound to explain what happens to those who vanish. Some will believe the cat ran out of lives, or that Neptune smote the sailor’s ship. The more imaginative will claim the government intentionally disrupted a spaceship’s advanced technology with radar to bring it down, as if that were possible. Regardless of how or why, the warnings are always there, whether we heed them or not.

With or without these intrepid individuals, time marches on. The world turns, bringing with it new days, new adventures, and new worlds as technology advances. Perhaps due to a crashed spaceship, or the clever genius of highly motivated humans, but it didn't take long for adventurous humans to reach the stars. From wooden boats to steel, from the skies to the stars, humans created microchips, advanced propulsion systems, and artificial gravity within a few hundred years of finding that poor ship of crashed aliens. The pace was truly remarkable, although surely unrelated.

Humans eagerly jettisoned themselves into the stars seeking new adventures. To their surprise, they found a universe teeming with life. It was as if humans had lived in a tiny valley their whole lives and never considered that the rest of the world could be just as alive.

In the beginning, they could only gaze from afar. They didn't want to disrupt the delicate evolution of any world, no matter how fascinating it was. Over the years, humans crept closer. Eventually, a company called Space Liners created cloaking technology, mysteriously akin to the one from that ship which crashed on Earth many years ago. It didn't just make them invisible, it took them slightly out of sync with the physical world. This made Humans undetectable and untouchable, so they felt comfortable getting close. Space Liners began offering tours to Allen worlds.

Sometimes a concerned passenger would ask, “What's that wobbling sound?”

“Don't worry,” the tour guide would tell them. “That's just the cloaking device. It isn't dangerous or perceptible to anything in physical space.” It always seemed to put them at ease, then they would launch into the stars, leaving Earth far behind as a tiny speck within seconds.

The cutting edge of technology, Space Liner ships could shoot into space as easily as they dove into deep oceans. Untethered from the material world, no physical boundary could stop them. For the first time, humans beheld some of the most magical places to ever exist.

Most popular was a spectacular underwater civilization of fish-like humanoids with cities made of carefully nurtured coral. The seafloor and buildings were covered in bioluminescent algae, plants and flowers. Human tourists would press themselves against the thick glass to capture the serene beauty.

Most embarrassing for humans was a lush planet with a terrestrial civilization which resembled indigenous tribes on Earth. The intelligent species that inhabited it lived in complete harmony with their environment. Not advanced technologically, they had many adroit solutions to problems. Without industrialization, they lived in a state of homeostasis that humans were still working to achieve. Regardless, it left all who saw it in wondrous awe.

The world best understood by human scientists was a planet with equal parts land and fresh water. It was home to a terrestrial civilization with a culture humans could easily study and understand. The species was a bipedal humanoid with oddly proportioned heads, eyes, and limbs. Humans had studied them heavily, and tours would regularly linger on that world. Oftentimes, the aliens engaged in similar customs as on Earth, and the Humans would watch, faces and cameras pressed against the glass.

“These two, for example,” one tour guide began. “It looks like they're consuming a fungus with psychedelic properties, much like we have at home.”

The aliens gesticulated as they talked until the sitting alien pointed at its ear, then at the invisible Human ship. The other alien looked, but saw nothing. It turned back to the sitting one, who pointed to the ship again and wobbled its hand in the air. The other alien turned to the ship and yelled.

“Does it hear the wobble?” a concerned passenger asked.

“Uh…that shouldn't be possible, but let's move along anyway.” Unnerved tour guides would always report seemingly random incidents like that, but they were generally disregarded.

Scientists would take their own crafts to worlds and scout them out before allowing the tours. Once a world was declared safe, that's all there was to it. Tour groups were allowed to visit freely.

The newest world Humans had found was like looking in a mirror. They were in the middle of an industrial revolution, experimenting with machines and electricity like humans did. A team of scientists excitedly explored this wondrous new world. As they flew over a beautiful landscape, all the screens glitched and the lights flickered. The wobbling noise stopped and so did the ship’s propulsion. Their stomachs shot into their throats and the scientists rode the ship down to a crash landing.

Badly injured, they lay in their battered ship until some locals pulled them out. They experienced glimpses of being dragged out of the wreckage and taken away with a military escort. Aliens in medical garb tried to care for them, but knew nothing about human anatomy.

One by one, the humans died. Their bodies were autopsied. The ship was studied for decades to come and accelerated the advance of the aliens’s technology, although their government would forever deny it. One scientist survived long enough to try communicating, but was unsuccessful. All those reports of possible detections swam through his mind on a loop. The aliens weren't hostile, but even as he drew his final breaths, he couldn't shake the feeling that their crash landing wasn't an accident.

Refer a friend

Even though they're snuggling in this weird, adorable position, I couldn't help but notice that it looks like Jayne is piledriving Shitpancake.

Sidekick: Rumble

Metripol City, a sprawling metropolis full of some of the greatest skyscrapers and technology in the world. The home of Paragon Man and a number of other powerful heroes, it was a beacon of hope around the world. It was also the home of Violet Volt, a villain Theo set free from Justice Tower. The bewitching woman with a purple streak through the front of her long black hair was visiting her home for the first time since her capture. Hidden beneath a hat and shades, Violet was accompanied by Hydraxia and her teammates, Jack and Nuna.

“This area is a little close to the hero deployment facility, but they also don't patrol it much so it tends to be pretty laid back,” Violet told Hydraxia.

They walked along the border of the business and industrial zones while discussing their expansion into the city. “This spot and the first place are perfect. The last place has great coffee nearby, though,” Hydraxia said.

“There isn't a lot of foot traffic. We can probably walk around without drawing any attention.” Nuna lagged behind for a moment to take pictures. A shadow passing overhead drew her attention towards the sky and she screamed, “above us, watch out!”

Everyone scattered. Something like a mortar shell landed in the middle of the group. From the dust and cratered cement, a casual yet gritty voice called out.

“Hydraxia. So nice of you to show yourself. I see you’ve got some new tattoos since I last saw you.” Rising to his feet was a man in a green and black super suit patterned with scales and a ridge of decorative spikes running along the center of his head down his back. With a menacing grin, he stared down Hydraxia. It was the same dehumanizing look she used to dread seeing every day at work. Hydraxia could vividly smell the musk of his cologne and afternoon drinks with the lingering aroma of cigarettes breathing down her neck.

“Dinocon!” Hydraxia didn’t even finish saying his name before she transformed. Whether it was her survival instinct or bloodthirst, she was focused and lightning fast. Her body burst into her now eight-story-tall steely blue-gray hydra form and one of her serpentine necks lunged at Dinocon. He dodged easily, then relished in his own transformation. The muscular man erupted into a dinosaur every bit as tall as Hydraxia. It had the head and overall body of a tyrannosaurus, but the long arms of another dinosaur as well as the spine ridges and spiked tail of a stegosaurus. The last parts to grow in were the horns of a triceratops.

“I’m here to collect on behalf of Blackstone for all the trouble you caused us!” Dinocon charged at Hydraxia horns-first. The two giants traded blows in the street, occasionally taking a chunk out of a building.

One by one, alarms rang in buildings nearby and people evacuated, avoiding the street with the conflict. A few people got as close as they dared to take pictures or record video before hurrying to safety. Helpless in a fight with giants, Nuna found Jack and Violet. They watched in awe as the two monsters thrashed about the spacious area before Jack realized he could help.

“Are you two okay here?” he asked. With a confirmatory nod from them, the lower half of Jack’s body turned into bats and he flew into the fight, spiralling up Dinocon’s armored body. When he reached the neck, he dug his fangs into the thin skin behind the jaw. Dinocon roared in pain and Hydraxia followed up, sinking her own teeth into him, slamming his massive body to the ground.

“Sentinel Team One, I need backup!” Dinocon boomed. With Hydraxia biting into his arm and ribs, he fended off her other attacks as best he could. Dinocon’s energy drained from his neck like a steady stream. He only needed to hold off for a minute or so before his backup arrived. When they did, he breathed a heavy sigh of relief.

Striking from above, Dinocon’s backup beat Jack and Hydraxia off of him. He was now flanked on either side by a team wearing matching helmeted uniforms, each color-themed with the exception of one handsome man with graying hair who wore only slacks and a button-up shirt. Their motorcycle-style helmets looked like animals and had screens that looked like an open toothy maw.

Hydraxia swiveled one of her heads around to her team. “This isn’t good. Call for backup.”

Dinocon, side-eyed Hydraxia, who had grown much stronger. “Red Viper, Blue Bear, you two take care of that energy vampire. I don’t know what those girls do, so White Tiger, Silver Fox, go take care of them. Green Dragon, you’re with me.”

“White Tiger, looks like we got the easy job,” said the man in slacks.

With Red Viper and Blue Bear closing in on either side, Jack was isolated. “Sorry, Heidi, looks like I won’t be able to help much,” he said. He thought Hydraxia’s name was too long, so he’d taken to calling her Heidi, but he was the only one allowed to do so.

“Just take care of yourself until backup arrives,” Hydraxia replied.

Red Viper was a thin woman who moved quickly. She tackled Jack and wrapped herself around him like a snake. Jack burst into bats to escape her grip and flew past the hulking muscle-man, Blue Bear, who turned into a massive bear and swiped wildly at the swarm of bats. Not apt to fight multiple opponents, Jack opted to keep moving. Meanwhile, Nuna and Violet were confronted with their opponents, who didn't open as aggressively.

“My, my, what a pair of beautiful young ladies we've got here. You can just call me, Fox. Now, I don't want to hurt either of you, so why don't you just sit right there and let us take that little trouble-maker with us?” Fox said with a charming smile.

“Yeah, how about we just get some noodles instead?” Nuna said.

The tall wooden post that Nuna was leaning on turned soft like a wet noodle and collapsed under it's own weight, dragging power lines down with it. The cables flailed wildly, sending sparks flying everywhere. Nuna and Fox took cover, but White Tiger stood confidently in place, protected by his armor.

Violet Volt, on the other hand, grabbed a wire by its exposed end. Her eyes lit up bright blue and the few seconds it took for White Tiger to attack were all she needed. A giant swirl of energy turned into a tiger paw and came down on Violet like a hammer with White Tiger’s attack.

“An energy attack, huh? You looked like the physical type. I guess I didn't need this.” Violet tossed away the power cable and punched White Tiger square in the chest, cracking his armor and sending him flying.

“Woah. That was intense,” Fox chuckled. Before he realized it, Nuna dug a sword into his gut. To her surprise, it slipped in and out without leaving a mark.

“If you're into me, you can't hurt me. That's how my power works.” Fox winked at Nuna.

“That a fact?”

Fox turned to see Violet standing on the other side of him. A punch to the chest from her sent him flying.

“Into older guys, huh?” Violet asked. With flushed cheeks, Nuna gave her a sheepish shrug. “Well, now that I'm juiced up, I guess it's time to help.”

Violet joined Hydraxia in her fight against Dinocon and Green Dragon, who had transformed into a massive dragon. Using the energy she had absorbed to leap around and attack, she managed to get a couple good punches on Green Dragon and even the odds.

“I guess your teammate left you to the wolves,” White Tiger said to Nuna, brushing himself off. A wave of energy smashed into him a moment later, slicing through his suit. A gush of blood burst from his chest.

“Let's clean up.” Slicer led Mira and Dominic into the battle, hurrying to help Jack. Nuna stayed close. Red Viper and Blue Bear were quickly overwhelmed, and the gang began to close in on their enemies.

Despite the clear, sunny day, black clouds swirled above the battleground. Nobody noticed until thunder cracked above them, and by then it was too late. It was as if a bomb landed in the middle of the battle, knocking everyone to the ground. Standing at the epicenter was a tall, lean man with dark skin, sharp features and a dominating presence that was even more palpable than his entrance. He looked upon the battlefield, then turned to Dinocon. The man's voice was deep and smooth.

“I thought you said you could handle her? This is getting out of hand. Let's finish this.”

“Yes, Black Thunder, sir.”

Dinocon began his attack again in earnest. Green Dragon went to assist, but Violet was there to challenge him. Black Thunder held and a hand out and fired off a wave of destructive energy. It hit Violet dead-on, but it only charged her up. He pivoted to Slicer’s group, firing another blast. Dominic manifested a giant shield to protect them, but the attack persisted. Black Thunder modulated the frequency and the shield began to rattle apart, returning to the aether.

Violet Volt noticed the danger and leapt to attack Black Thunder, but mid-air, she was wrapped up by a gooey substance and dangled from a light post.

“Woah! What a mess! This looks like a job for your friendly municipal Splatter-Man! Splatter-Man, Splatter-Man, does whatever a splatter can! One of my fans made a song for me. I can't stop singing it!”

A thin man in green, light blue and red head-to-toe tights with big eyes black flipped into the battle. He shot out long, elastic, sticky hands like the ones kids play with and used them to swing around the area, leaving them dangling in his wake. He twirled through the air and took playful jabs at everyone.

“Need a hand?” A massive voice boomed. From the south end of the street, a ten-story-tall woman with a ponytail turned the corner.

“Hey Gigantica! If you could help with the big snake lady that'd be great!” Splatter-Man said.

Gigantica took aim at Hydraxia, who managed to drag Dinocon in front of her to bare the brunt of Gigantica’s punch. The battle intensified as the gang scrambled to deal with the increasingly dire situation.

“LeFiels, send Morpho!” Slicer called in.

“No,” LeFiels chirped in Slicer’s earpiece. “Only if the big guy shows up. I'm sending someone else.”

“Just make it quick!”

The few moments it took were an eternity to those in battle. Then, a thin Asian guy wearing bright orange sneakers and basketball shorts appeared in the middle of the street. He examined the battle before him, then pulled a large plastic figure from his pocket.

“Let's go, Cosmotron! Robot protector of the Universe!”

He held the figure high and it glowed so bright it halted the fight. A moment later, a giant robot stood ten stories tall over the battle.

Gigantica was the first to attack, but her punch simply dinged against the metal. Cosmotron returned the punch in kind, sending Gigantica tumbling down the street. Black Thunder fired an energy blast at Cosmotron. Mostly unfazed, Cosmotron kicked at Black Thunder. After missing, it kicked Dinocon, who was nearby.

“What a disaster. Everyone, pull out. This is over,” Black Thunder ordered. They cleared out quickly, evacuating their injured and vanishing like they were never there.

With the whirring of a helicopter approaching and their enemies gone, Cosmotron vanished and Hydraxia turned back into her human form. “I think it's fair to say this location is cooked. Thanks for the save, Playfight. Mira, get us out of here.”

The gang evacuated quickly, leaving Splatter-Man wondering where everyone went. Standing on top of a damaged building with his chest puffed up, he declared victory.

“Looks like the heroes saved the day again!”

Kitten Zoro sleeping soundly against my keyboard as I worked

Heart Surgery

Heart surgery is about as serious as it gets. When Joe got the diagnosis, he was shattered and afraid. If something went wrong, he would die. If he didn't get the surgery, he would die. He had resolved to live the rest of his days in peace until a charitable organization offered to pay for his surgery.

Joe was over the moon. He may have been ready to die, but that was only because he didn't have a choice. With a ray of hope that he could live, he took the chance and went for it. Within days he had signed the paperwork and ended up getting an expedited date for the operation.

Prepped for surgery by eight in the morning, Joe was told he would come around by noon. It was the moment of truth, time to find out if he would ever wake up after being put to sleep. Those thoughts consumed him as he counted down from ten and drifted peacefully out of consciousness.

Joe woke up in the hospital bed, looking at the ceiling through blurry eyes. It appeared he had made it. Murmurs came from somewhere nearby, as well as the heart monitor’s steady beeps. He turned his head to the side in search of a nurse. Perhaps they could get him something to drink.

“He's awake,” a woman's voice chirped.

“What? Uh-oh,” a man responded.

Uh-oh? Joe’s sense of concern spiked dramatically. He rolled his head to look down the length of his body, but he couldn't see much with the light green curtain hanging over him, draped over his clavicle.

“Doctor Benowitz? What's going on?” Joe asked.

“It's okay, we're just going to put you back to sleep,” the doctor said. One of the nurses grabbed a mask over his face and turn on the gas to put him back under.

“Doctor, it's empty,” the nurse said.

“Hurry up and get a new tank before his body starts waking up!” The doctor ordered. That was when Joe tried to move. His body was paralyzed. Just as fear began to take hold, Joe’s emotional stability was tipped over the edge.

A massive stream of blood erupted from his chest and an alarm began to beep in the most stressful way possible. His heart monitor accelerated rapidly as the doctor and nurses panicked trying to fix the problem. The doctor barked orders and the nurses scrambled while Joe could do nothing more than watch a thick stream of blood shoot into the air, spraying all over the curtain and medical staff.

Joe screamed in panic. With the spike of adrenaline, he pleaded with the doctors not to let him die. Body still numb, he couldn't feel anything, but in his mind his chest was both hollow and throbbing in pain.

In the midst of the turnoil, the lights flickered then went out. The hospital’s generators kicked in immediately and the lights turned back on. The heart monitor's beeping slowed, even though Joe felt like his heart was racing. The lights got brighter, then the ceiling opened up in front of him. Square ceiling panels lifted out of their place, revealing behind them an overpowering bright white light.

“We're losing him!” The doctor shouted.

A distant ringing got louder and louder. From the bright light above, a figure appeared. Flanked by large white wings, the figure floated down. The angelic being leaned forward and reached out for Joe, who could now make out the angel’s appearance.

The white-robed angel had the visage of a handsome Asian man with fine, well-combed black hair. The angel gently cupped Joe’s face and leaned in close. When the angel's lips opened, Joe eagerly awaited the calling from the other side telling him it was time to go, and that his loved ones were waiting for him.

“We got you,” the angel said, somewhat mockingly.

“Huh?” Joe huffed.

“We got you!” The angel lifted into the air, arms out wide, revealing the blood-drenched doctor and nurses popping confetti at Joe. One of them blew a horn and wacky music began to play through the room’s speakers. Everyone celebrated and congratulated him on not really being dead. The lights from the floor above dimmed and Joe could see the wires and staging behind the angel.

“Hold on, what? This was a prank? What's wrong with you people? I thought I was dying!”

“You agreed to this when you signed the surgery paperwork,” said the angel.

“Idm what? Hold on, what are you talking about?” Joe asked, utterly dumbfounded.

“We Got You is paying for your surgery. You signed paperwork giving us permission to prank you before your operation,” the angel explained.

“We Got You? The charity?” Joe asked.

“We aren't a charity. We're a Japanese prank show. We're still paying for your real surgery.”

“Oh my God.” Joe’s head dropped with a thud then lifted back up. “A prank show? Like, ‘ha-ha, we got you,’ not like, ‘we got you, bro’?”

“Yes, exactly.”

“Jesus Christ, this was a prank? This is elaborate! So you guys pay for people's surgeries to prank them or what?”

“No. We can do this a few times for one episode, but we always have to come up with new ideas. If we do the same thing, our audience will think we're lazy.”

“Wow, they really hold you to a high standard out there, huh?”

“Yes, Japanese audiences have high standards and hold us accountable.”

“Oh man. I'd complain that you guys could have given me a heart attack, but I guess you're paying for it either way. It actually kind of makes me feel better, because there ain't no way my surgery is going to go worse than this one!” Joe burst into laughter. The angel, doctor, and nurses laughed with him.

Joe’s surgery later that day was indeed a success. He lived for many more years, forever telling the story of that time a prank show saved his life, and how funny it was.

Refer a friend

Han, Shitpancake, and Jayne all snuggled up. It looks like they fell asleep giving Shitpancake a massage.

Space Case: Alone in the Dark

Valhalla seemed like a good name for a ship, when Marco named it. A home for dead warriors, just like him. Alive in body, his faith in the world was all but gone. In the end, he just wanted to help people, but society made it so hard. Still, looking out at the stars through the command room window, he was at peace. All the world’s problems vanished. All that remained was the beautiful expanse that was here before us, and will be here long after. When you’ve seen the dirt and grime of the world up close, it's important to pull back and remind yourself that the big picture is really beautiful.

Of course, he couldn’t enjoy the view without Bucky, his Jack Russell terrier, pawing his hand, begging for food. He was so adorable, Marco couldn’t help but give him some head scratches and a piece of chicken.

“Marco,” the ship’s intercom chimed with the voice of his mechanic. “You’ve got a call. Says he’s an army buddy.”

“Thanks, Raffy. I’ll grab it up here.” Marco found a console and pulled up the video call. Even blindfolded, he would recognize the bald muscle man the second he appeared on the screen. “Booker, how’s it going?”

“Gettin’ by, like everyone else. I heard you’re a merc or somethin’ now?” Booker was wearing a black undershirt, making a sandwich in his kitchen. He glanced curiously at Marco, but kept making his sandwich.

“Or somethin’. Private eye, bounty hunter, private security, I don’t really want to put myself in a box, That limits your options. How’s Earth these days?”

“I’m like a tour guide in Dante’s Inferno.” Booker chuckled.

“Sounds like all the reasons I left. It’s much more peaceful out here.”

“Sounds nice. Maybe I’ll travel when I retire. In the meantime, I’ve got somethin’ for ya’. Got a tip on a nice bounty here in my neck of the woods. Took it to my captain, but our station doesn’t have the resources to handle it. I wouldn’t mind a little bit off the top, but I can give you all the information you need to make it easy.”

“I love easy. How much?”

“Fifty percent.”

“Fifty?” Marco couldn’t help but laugh out loud. “For fifty you’re coming along and helping me carry the body if he doesn’t come quiet. Ten.”

“Twenty. Ten for the lead, ten for the info.”

“Okay, twenty works for me.”

Booker was always a breath of fresh air, although law enforcement wasn’t where Marco had expected him to end up, or Earth for that matter. Then again, for Earth to recover, it needed more people like Marco. A good heart touches a lot of lives for the better. People too often focus on the lasting power of pain, but pay no mind to the lasting power of good.

Marco was on Earth before night fell on Los Angeles. With intermingled architecture spanning centuries, the city was a beehive of flying vehicles. Even the lanes for personal ships like Marco’s were crowded. Although, the food alone was worth the trip. Booker took Marco out to some of the best sushi he’d ever had. It’s easy to forget you’re there to work when you’re having a good time with an old friend. So, they opted to leave business until the next day.

The job looked easy. The bounty, Carlos, lived alone. Sure, he would be armed and had a rap sheet with a beautifully nuanced pallet of violence, but there was no small army to cut through. Booker provided him with all the information on cameras as well as layouts for the building and surrounding area. He also gave him some pointers as a local. It was an easy twenty thousand. Sixteen thousand, after accounting for Booker’s cut.

With everything Booker gave him, Marco didn’t need much reconnaissance. He made his move the evening after scouting the area. Entering quietly through the bedroom window, Marco crept through the house. Carlos was sitting on his couch watching the fights with the volume cranked way up. The dark room was awash in the glow of the screen, beer cans scattered all over the place.

With Carlos completely engrossed in the fight, Marco snuck up behind him and aimed his pistol. Between rounds, it transitioned to ads. The volume dimmed and Marco took that moment to make his presence known.

“Don’t move.” Marco clicked back the hammer of his pistol. Body frozen, Carlos slowly turned his head to see who was behind him. “Your bounty is dead or alive. I’d rather not —”

Carlos dashed to his side and pulled a pistol from his waistband. Marco’s reflexes took over and before he knew it, Carlos was lying motionless on the floor with a hole in his chest, blood pooling beneath him.

“At least you’re not a very big guy,” Marco said.

It’s important to confirm that someone is dead, lest they get up and shoot you in the back. No pulse, no more Carlos. Hopefully, this guy had some decent-sized trash bags or he was going to make a mess of the ship. While Marco searched the kitchen for a trash bag, he was distracted by a repetitive thumping that persisted through the ads. It took a moment for him to realize it was coming from inside the apartment.

Marco followed the thumping to a closet door in the bedroom. The thumping continued until he opened the door and a young blonde woman with pink streaks fell out of it. Hands and feet tied behind her, Marco had to help her up.

“Hey, you’re okay. You’re safe. I’ll give you a ride to the police station so they can get you home.” Marco pulled off her gag.

“No!” the young woman snapped. “Not the police! Please, I need help.”

A sigh was all that Marco could muster in that moment. Somehow, life had managed to give Marco everything he did and didn’t want all at once.

Jayne is kicking back in pillows with a fluffy blanket pulled snugly up to his chest. He is ready for tea and a nap

Magnus: King of the Hill

After leaving the Kingdom of Zeras, Magnus and his Marauders took the most difficult route to their next destination. Whatever challenges awaited them would be easier with the element of surprise on their side, so they sought to avoid being detected at all. Moving carefully, they scouted ahead and maintained a safe distance from the old fort once they got near. Almost as grueling as the journey there was the two weeks they spent scouting. They made camp far enough away that they wouldn't be noticed and stayed vigilant.

“Magnus!” Farko called. He traversed down the rocky hillside, approaching Magnus as he practiced using a sword and his manatu at the same time. “You look like you're getting the hang of that.”

“Not quite. I know these are made for battle, but I feel naked without a shield. Although I'm lighter on my feet, it feels more natural to cast spells in combat.”

“Use magic to make your shield. If this manatu is too unwieldy, grab one of the smaller ones. Think of it as your shield first, wand second,” Farko suggested.

“In that case, I'll tie it to my bracer. What do you have for me, Farko?”

“We have a preliminary attack plan. If you're not too busy, we could go over it before the sun goes down.”

“I'm just practicing in case we run into our old friend. I'd love to hear what you've come up with.” Magnus put away his sword and manatu, following Farko back to their encampment.

Awaiting Magnus was an illusion of the mountain fort. The encircling wall, towers, and buildings within were made of durable brick and stone. Whoever toppled the fort left a swath of destruction all the way to the keep and ruins in their wake. The gang, which had made it their home, took residence in the buildings and in makeshift wooden huts.

“It looks like they have a decent force here,” Farko began the meeting. “They're pretty well defended, although their security seems to be lax. They get a supply shipment twice a week on the same days. It comes in the early morning. The plan is to hijack one and replace it with some of our men. Those men enter with the shipment and go to this part of the wall here. It's been partially repaired, but it was previously breached. It's the perfect entry point for a surprise attack.”

“My mages have retrieved their password to get in,” Eranor said. “We can cast a spell to give the supply team the faces of the men they're replacing, and to bring our forces to the opening, keeping them out of danger for as long as possible.”

“How do we create that opening?” Magnus asked.

“Explosives, of course,” Nastor said. “I've been itching to use ‘em. Figured I'd get the chance eventually.”

“Can we use a spell to hide the sound of the explosion?” Magnus followed up.

“Of course, but that would mean someone in the supply team has to cast the spell just before it happens. As soon as that area is silenced, they're going to know something is wrong, and the plan could all come crashing down,” Eranor said.

“I was going to lead the supply team myself. It's a team of four, so I wasn't going to bring a mage along,” Garley said.

“You're my chief warrior. I would rather you lead our main force. I could lead the supply team, then we wouldn't need to lose a warrior to gain a mage. Eranor can teach me the spell.”

The group discussed his idea and agreed to let Magnus go only if he was accompanied by Farko. Magnus agreed, which left a single item to address.

“The biggest threat down there is Jafret,” Eranor said. “His arm is no longer in a sling, but still bandaged, so the injury he sustained in Zeras is at least mostly healed. He's a skilled mage. I don't want to risk the lives of any of our men if it's unnecessary. I'll be looking to take him down myself so he doesn't continue to pose a threat to our advancement.”

“Thank you, Eranor. Once we're in, I'll leave Jafret to you. The rest of us will clear that fort of all enemies, then we will recuperate here for a few days while King Oraku’s army arrives. If everyone agrees, let's get moving.”

The Marauders began preparations for the big battle. Eranor worked with Magnus on the silence and illusion spells. That way, their unit would be completely independent once they split up.

“I'm not fond of putting you in the most dangerous positions, Prince Magnus,” Farko spoke with a stern tone as they lay in wait for the supply caravan. He emphasized Magnus’s title to remind him of his greater responsibilities.

“You can't use my status to influence me, Farko. I came to terms with the way of things when I was a young boy. I may be a prince, but I'll never inherit the crown. My legacy is mine to make. If nobody remembers my name, I will die at peace knowing I've done right by those I lead. So, I will put myself where I need to be.”

Farko was taken aback by the response and said nothing for a moment. The soldier and rogue with them beamed with pride.

“You've grown so much, Magnus. Sometimes I forget how long it's been since I could pick you up and carry you around the castle.”

“Oh, that was so much fun. I used to love slaying monsters with you in the forest,” Magnus said gleefully.

“With me? I was always the monster,” Farko said.

“You were the best monster. I don't remember who was taking care of me for a few weeks while you were away on some trip with my father, but they were absolute trash. No fun at all.”

Farko laughed, but their reminiscing came to a halt when they spotted the caravan. The gangsters driving the caravan fought to the death. It was easy enough to take the caravan, and Magnus had no problem casting the illusion spell to steal their appearance, but the real challenge lay ahead.

Two hours later, they were pulling the two-cart caravan up to the fort. Magnus had the password ready and locked eyes with one of the guards as they approached. The guard turned to someone in the top tower and gave them a nod. The doors opened before they even passed the guard. Driving the front cart, Magnus gave him a nod. The guard nodded back with a smile, then returned to his post, most notably to the chair that was waiting for him.

The fort was bereft of activity. Those who were awake had no gusto, and nobody gave the caravan a second look, if even a first. Those who guarded the under-repair wall they were targeting found their presence curious. They cautiously watched a disguised Magnus and Farko unload four large barrels and stack them in pairs by the wall. He signaled for everyone to circle around, then opened the top barrel of each stack. From one, Magnus grabbed a pint and scooped rum from another, telling them it was a gift from the top. The guards celebrated and passed around the drinks, asking no questions.

Magnus and his men moved the caravan a safe distance away, then stopped and took cover behind a building. Magnus aimed his manatu at the group of jovial guards and silenced the area. The men immediately noticed and checked their ears. Then, Magnus set fire to the boxes on the bottom of the stacks, which were filled with dynamite.

In absolute silence, two explosions blew the area to shreds. The massive wall behind the guards came crashing to the ground. Magnus spun around, expecting people to come running, but the few he could see hadn't noticed. They milled about, doing their morning routines. By the time Magnus turned back, his Marauders were charging into the fort.

The battle began one-sided, with the gang blindsided by the attack. Soon, alarm bells rang, and men poured out of buildings and huts, many without armor. It was a bloodbath.

Then, Jafret made his appearance. He flew from rooftop to rooftop, raining down fire as he rode a dark cloud of smoke and lightning that sprouted from his feet. Eranor found his target and attacked. The two scuffled in the sky, casting powerful spells at each other.

Eranor’s spells consistently snuffed out Jafret’s, but Jafret was nimble and hard to pin down. While they traded spells in the sky, the attack continued as one-sided as before. It was going so well, Magnus took a moment to watch Eranor and Jafret fight. He was fortunate enough to be watching when Jafret snuck in a stab to the gut, and Eranor fell from the sky like a stone off a cliff’s edge.

Magnus used magic to hurry to Eranor. He watched Jafret float down to the ground and disappear behind the buildings. Heart racing, Magnus rushed to Eranor's aid and arrived in time to see Jafret standing over Eranor, holding a dagger above his head.

A fireball to the chest sent Jafret flying. Magnus hurried to Eranor. He was still alive, just bleeding from the stomach and a little beat up.

“It's okay, I cushioned my fall,” Eranor said weakly. “Wait, who did you bring with you?”

“I saw you fall, and I just came. You're an amazing mage, Eranor, but not much of a fighter,” Magnus said.

“No, get out of here,” Eranor said weakly.

“There you are!” Jafret boomed. He approached with a large manatu in one hand, patting out the embers on his chest with the other. “I knew you'd be here somewhere. I owe you for getting me exiled.”

“You did that to yourself.” Armed with a smaller, more nimble manatu like Farko had suggested, Magnus fired off another fireball. Another dark cloud appeared at Jafret’s feet and slid him away in an instant.

Jafret fired back, and Magnus rolled away. He continued his assault on Magnus, keeping him moving before he could make another attack. After one roll, Magnus spun into an attack and launched a whip of fire at Jafret.

The fire whip slashed Jafret’s manatu, burning a crooked slice off the top. With its acoustics broken, the manatu was all but useless. Jafret threw it on the floor in frustration. He had delighted so much in keeping the pressure on Magnus, he gave him an opening.

Magnus taunted Jafret, boiling his blood. He attacked wildly, firing everything he could at Magnus. Magnus did not move. A cloud of dust and debris erupted around him. When Jafret stopped, Magnus appeared, holding his arm in front of him, creating a magic bubble to protect him from the assault.

Furious, Jafret turned his attention to Eranor and fired a lightning bolt at him. Eranor closed his eyes to accept his fate, but the spell exploded shy of its target. Magnus had projected the shield to protect Eranor, then flicked his arm to shoot another fire whip at Jafret.

Magnus assaulted Jafret with his fire whip as he closed the distance, running at Jafret without giving him a moment to rest. The clouds at his feet couldn't get Jafret away from the flaming whip, and when Magnus got within slashing distance, it was over.

A sword through Jafret’s left arm brought him screaming to his knees. Jafret sent Magnus flying away with a concussive blast from his good hand. Magnus got up to finish the job, but he was too late. Jafret threw a bag of powder at the ground and was consumed in a cloud of smoke. When the smoke cleared seconds later, he was gone.

The fort was theirs within the hour. Five Marauders were lost that day, but Eranor was not one of them. Although they feared the next time they encountered Jafret, he would surely be better prepared.

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We threw a crochet sweater on Zoro and she didn’t mind as much as we thought she would!

Gargoyleman: Venus Flytrap

Late one overcast Tuesday afternoon in Newmoon City, a jungle spontaneously sprouted in downtown’s westside. It had been several years since such a thing had happened. People evacuated as best they could, but many were trapped by the spontaneous jungle of animated plant life that moved like predators. The most eerie were the shambling golems made of sticks, leaves, and vines that moved like people and patrolled the area.

Then, a beacon of hope appeared high in the sky. Gargoyleman’s logo shone on the clouds, beckoning the city's greatest hero to the location. The trapped people looked upon the logo with hope that he would arrive soon.

The people hid wherever they could from the plants so as not to get snatched up and dragged away. With most of the streets and buildings covered in plants, it was difficult to tell where it was safe. Sometimes, a green gas would drive people from their hiding places lest they be paralyzed in place and captured. Only children were set free, and taken to the outer boundary of the jungle with their parents. Those captured and childless were taken to the master who commanded the plants.

The villain resided inside the big, new sports arena. Every captured citizen was thrown on the ground before a vivacious Latin woman with long black hair and an hourglass figure. With plants sprouting from her skin, she was dressed only in the leaves, twigs, and vines wrapped around her body. She examined each prisoner, questioning them with a seductive voice that made them all weak in the knees. She would get nose-to-nose, batting her big hazel eyes and puckering her soft, full lips. Cradling their faces, she gave every prisoner a kiss. While still in the throes of bliss, they fell asleep. Monstrously gigantic venus flytraps leaned over and swallowed them up, cocooning them within their leaf lobes to slowly drain their energy.

After forty-five minutes, the citizens trapped in the jungle started to wonder what was taking Gargoyleman so long. With no other choice, they continued their cat and mouse game with the stunning woman, trying to make it to the jungle’s boundary. After an hour, people started to wonder if Gargoyleman was coming at all.

Even the woman, before interrogating someone, rhetorically asked him what was taking Gargoyleman so long. The man shrugged, and for a moment they both vented about the incredible delay. They speculated what could be happening outside the jungle and where he could be. She decided not to feed him to a plant and made him stay with her.

When Gargoyleman exploded into the room, she was ready to lay into him. Chased by humanoid plant monsters and animated giant venus flytraps, he fired a magnetic hook from his arm into the air. It latched onto the sports dome’s exposed infrastructure, launching him into the air. A few moments later he landed nearby and rolled onto one knee, both arms concealed beneath his cloak.

“Are you kidding me?” the woman shouted, fists balled up. “It’s been two hours! Two hours! Look, I have a witness.” She pointed to the prisoner who had been keeping her company. “I’ve learned all about his dating life and gave him a lot of much-needed advice, I know about his family, his grandma’s birthday is coming up! He’s trying to start his own business. He’s a really talented artist,”

“What’s his name?” Gargoyleman asked.

“His name? He’s uh…” she stared blankly at the man who she had been speaking with for the past hour and realized she never got his name. “Crap. What’s your name?”

“I’m Bob.”

“His name is Bob! Bob? Are you serious? Whatever. Bob, hasn’t it been a whole hour since I decided not to feed you to one of my plants?”

“Yes, and I’m still very grateful for that.”

“You’re so sweet, don’t even trip. But, you!” She turned her attention back to Gargoyleman. “What’s your problem? Two hours? You made me wait two hours!”

“I didn’t know there was an acceptable response time. Why didn’t you just go home?” Gargoyleman rose to a standing position.

“Why didn’t I? Can you believe this guy?” she shouted.

“Yeah, dude, I have to agree with the lady. That’s pretty messed up. There are innocent people here, too,” Bob said.

“Take it up with her. I didn’t create this jungle.”

“Well, that’s fair, you could have let us all go. The cops would call him here either way.”

“Hey! Don’t go taking his side.” The woman pointed angrily at Bob, who simply waved his hands and pressed his lips together.

“Come on, Venus. Give the guy a break,” Gargoyleman said.

“Give him a break? He’s here, isn’t he? And you, what took you two hours to get here? That’s ridiculous!” Venus shouted.

“I was getting ready. It took a little bit,” Gargoyleman shrugged casually.

“Oh, my God, will someone please eat him?” Venus stomped a foot and clenched her fists. The encroaching mutant jungle around them erupted into a frenzy to get Gargoyleman. Vines lashed out, giant venus flytraps charged in like dogs trying to catch a ball, and the shambling bush golems swarmed over each other to grab him. He tumbled and rolled, evading in mid-air and grappling away.

Gargoyleman dropped a black sphere as he jettisoned into the air. One of the plants inevitably hit it and liquid sprayed all over a group of them. He dropped several more on the shambling golems below. The liquid made the plants wilt and move slowly. Gargoyleman landed near Venus and held a black box in the air. Before he could light the flame, Venus was already shouting her new order.

“Stop!”

A flame lit above him, Gargoyleman stared down Venus. She took a moment to steady her breath and get her head in the game. The ground and many of her plants were now doused in alcohol. Not only were they less useful, they would easily catch fire, which would signal the beginning of the end. Gargoyleman had prepared for a violent confrontation.

“Oh, come on.” Venus accentuated her curves and batted her eyes at Gargoyleman as she approached carefully. “You wouldn’t burn my plants again, would you? After all the work I’ve done to forgive you for last time?”

“You were good about seeing your therapist,” Gargoyleman admitted.

“My therapist helped me realize why I do stuff like this.” Arm’s length away, Venus’s eyes scanned their environment.

“Really? Why’s that?”

“She helped me realize what I really want.” Venus was inches away from Gargoyleman.

“This isn’t my only lighter. I’m a tinderbox,” Gargoyleman said quietly. Venus paused to look him up and down.

“Noted.” Venus inched closer and gently grabbed his face. She pulled him close and kissed him passionately. The passion built and culminated in Venus angrily clutching Gargoyleman’s face and shoving him away. “You’re drunk! Why are you always drunk?”

“Because it nullifies your toxins. Why else?” Gargoyleman chuckled. Venus collapsed on the spot and began to cry. Gargoyleman grumbled and searched for words. “Oh, come on… don’t do that.”

“I wasn’t going to use my toxins!” she shouted.

“Well, I don’t have any guarantees about that, and you have used them on me before. By the way, Bob, you can probably get out of here now.”

“Thank you so much Mister Gargoyleman.” Bob jumped to his feet and ran away at a reasonable pace. He knew he wasn’t in danger, but also wanted to be a good distance away from Venus.

“I haven’t used my toxins on you in years!”

“Prison probably has something to do with that.”

“Is it because I’m ugly? Is that why you have to get drunk when you see me?” Venus cried.

“You? Ugly? I don’t think there’s a person in the world who would say that. You’re a beautiful woman.” Gargoyleman got down to one knee to meet Venus at her eye level. “What would compel you to think that you’re ugly?”

Venus stopped crying, but couldn’t bring herself to accept the compliment. She wiped her tears and steadied her breath. “Growing up, my cousins all called me ugly. It got worse when plants started growing out of me.”

“Well, that’s just mean. Somewhere inside, they knew that what you have is special. You can do incredible things that they can’t. I know childhood scars have some real lasting power, but don’t let that one haunt you.” Gargoyleman revealed an open bottle of whiskey and handed it to Venus.

“Oh, hell yeah.” She drank it straight from the handle and handed it back to Gargoyleman. He took a drink and they continued to trade it back and forth as they talked. He learned more about her that night than in all the years of dealing with her as a villain of the city. Refusing to throw up in the bushes, she eventually vomited on the pavement.

“You’ve been in jail a while. I think you’ll find you can’t drink like you used to.” Gargoyleman was ready with water.

“That’s a good point.” Venus took a swig of the water, swished it around in her mouth, then spit it out. She drank from it and leaned on Gargoyleman’s shoulder, eyes closed.

“It might be time for you to call it a night,” Gargoyleman said.

“Can I crash at your place?” Venus asked in a cute, sleepy tone.

“Of course.” Gargoyleman placed handcuffs around her wrists.

“Handcuffs, huh? I’m into it. Let’s go,” she said groggily.

“Calm down.” Gargoyleman threw her over his shoulder and headed for the exit.

“It’s so weird. Like, being back, it doesn’t feel the same. You know what I mean?” she asked.

“All too well,” Gargoyleman grumbled.

The plants began to drift to sleep. As the giant venus flytraps drifted off, the people slipped out of them and awoke on the ground, slightly slimy but otherwise fine. One man woke up in a puddle of vomit. There was no more beautiful woman, only a withering jungle. Gargoyleman was long gone. He had taken Venus back to his personal prison. Her old cell had already been prepared and was waiting for her.